Friday Night at the Ruben’s by Jonathan Usher
Act 1
Scene 1
In the kitchen, off the dining room
The Rubens are a typical Toronto, middle class, religiously Conservative, family
preparing for their Friday night Shabbat meal. Joe, the father and official head of the
household, being partially retired, is finishing cooking the meal – an artichoke appetizer,
and roast chicken with potatoes and peas. Cookies and herbal tea are the dessert.
Meanwhile his wife Charlotte, the unofficial head of the household has scurried around
the house, cleaning up, polishing the candlesticks, setting the table with a white linen
table cloth, and ensuring that the food is properly prepared and everything is beautifully
set out.
Charlotte: John! Elizabeth! Max! Dinner’s ready.
John, aged 20, enters slowly but immediately. Elizabeth, aged 18 comes down the stairs,
still combing her hair, and Max, aged 16, bounces over to the table. He is dressed in a
clean shirt, well pressed pants, an expensive sweater, and oversized, loosely tied running
shoes.
Charlotte: Max, tie up your shoes. John, it‘s Shabbat. Put on a clean shirt. Half to herself
and half to John I didn’t have to tell you that.
All is silent until John returns two minutes later wearing a very bright Hawaiian shirt.
Max: That shirt is just right for Shabbat. You look like the Shabbas Queen.
John smirks but says nothing. A smile rises to Joe’s lips but then is quickly hidden.
Elizabeth and Charlotte give Max a dirty look.
The candles are lit, the prayers said together by Charlotte and Elizabeth under their
shawls, kisses and handshakes are exchanged, and the attention then turns to the prayers
over the wine and bread.
Joe: Would you like to lead the services tonight, John?
Charlotte: Pleadingly You haven’t led them for a long time.
John: I’ll pass tonight, thanks. With full knowledge of the implications of what he is
saying Perhaps Elizabeth would like to lead them.
Elizabeth: I could you know, if we weren’t so traditional.
Charlotte: That’s enough you two. Joe, lead the services.
Joe sings the required prayers. Everyone has a small full cup of wine, ritually wash their
hands and return to the table.
Joe: Max, Would you say the blessing over the bread?
Max: Sure.
He says the prayer, cuts the bread, salts it, takes a bite, and passes it to the rest of the
family.
Charlotte gets up to bring in the first course. Elizabeth rises to help. Max is
undecided as to whether he should help his mother or stay with the men. He half gets up
and then decides to stay. The artichoke is served and while the dressing is being passed
around, the conversation continues.
John: This is a nice change from chicken soup. Are we finally becoming civilized?
Charlotte: We thought it would be nice for a change. Do you like it?
Max: John would probably prefer it decorated with a strip of bacon.
Charlotte: That’s enough from you, young man.
John and Elizabeth: speaking at the same time It’s delicious.
John: Twenty years of chicken soup appetizer is a long time.
Max: Customs have value – even if they are not in the Torah.
John: laughing Artichokes certainly aren’t in the Torah! Besides isn’t the sauce made
with butter?
Charlotte: Margarine.
Max: (smiling) It’s kosher. It’s a jerusalem artichoke
Joe: turning to Elizabeth in hopes of changing the subject Elizabeth, anything interesting
at school today?
Elizabeth: I really liked our Mid-East history lecture.
Joe: What was it about?
Elizabeth: It was the usual history of the West Bank but this time the lecturer asked why
the Palestinians were still refugees and what were the prospects for a democratic country
in the West Bank.
John: They are still refugees because they were expelled from their land, Israel has set up
a discriminatory apartheid system and the Settlers claim the West Bank as their own.
Max: And Palestinians blow up Israeli pizza parlors and buses, don’t sell land to Israeli,
desecrate holy sites, and deny the right of Israel to exist. They’d rather die than make
peace. Surely that behaviour must be taken into account. What do you expect the Israelis
to do? Wouldn’t you fight to protect your security and country?” (Sarcastically) Oh, I
forgot who I was talking to. Perhaps you wouldn’t
John: Israel bull-dozes their houses, cuts down their olive trees, and has erected a series
of tortuous roadblocks and checkpoints to keep them out of Israel. Their only hope is
physical action, which by the way, has been very successful.
Elizabeth: Why can’t both sides compromise, why can’t we both have peace? I’ve met
some Palestinians at school. They are nice. The other girls at Hillel have told me to steer
clear of them, but they seem fine to me.
Charlotte: Your grandfather would turn over in his grave.
John: Grandpa never knew a Palestinian.
Max: If he had, he would turn over in his grave.
Charlotte: More potatoes anyone?
John: Thanks, I’ll have some more.
John: You can't build a democracy on stolen land. The West Bank should belong to the
Palestinians. The settlers are crazy old men who believe that the West Bank was given to
the Jews by God. Face it: God hasn’t spoken to Jews for thousands of years. If he exists,
he doesn’t care.
Max: Perhaps God hasn’t spoken to you because you weren’t listening.
Elizabeth: It isn’t stolen land. That land has passed through many hands. It was settled by the Canaanites, then the Jews, then it became Christian, then Muslim, then Christian during the crusades, and then Muslim and finally Jewish. Is land really owned forever by the people who once lived there or made up the majority? Does Canada’s land really belong to its Native Peoples?
Charlotte: We don’t know God’s ways.
Joe: Except for a couple of hundred years when they were expelled by the Turks, Jews have always lived in Hebron and in Jerusalem. The grave of Sarah is in Hebron. The remains of the second temple are in Jerusalem. Israel and the West Bank belong to the Jews, both because of long Jewish residency and legally under the San Remo
Resolution of 1920 which ratified the Balfour declaration, gave Israel and the West Bank to the Jewish nation and was adopted by the United Nations. However, for peace, I’d give
up the West Bank.
Max: You won’t get peace.
John: You would if you only gave the Palestinians a chance.
Elizabeth: They had a chance in Gaza.
John: That is different. They are governed by Hamas.
Max: Who elected Hamas? And wouldn’t Hamas take over the West Bank if it was an
independent state?
Joe: Elizabeth, What was your professor’s opinion?
Elizabeth: Well, he thought that at best they would have a secular state, like Jordan
But he wasn’t very confident. He said democracy would fail there but he didn’t
say why.
Max: God and the Balfour Declaration gave the West Bank – Judea and Samaria - to the
Jews.
Joe: Don’t forget that democracies need respect for the laws and for others’ opinions.
Look at the new independent African countries. They weren’t ready for these principles
and their democracies soon collapsed into dictatorships. The same thing would happen to
a Palestinian state.
Elizabeth: So you wouldn’t give the Palestinians an independent state?
Joe: No, I wouldn’t.
Max: They already have an independent state called Jordan.
John: If they weren’t kept impoverished and oppressed by Israel, a Palestinian state
would be successful.
Max: Bullshit. They are mostly impoverished because of poor leadership and a culture
that does not favour capitalism and economic competition. They spend more money on
attacking Israel than on building infrastructure.
Charlotte and Elizabeth clear the table and bring on the tea and biscuits.
End of scene 1.
Act 1 Scene 2.
Charlotte: More tea or biscuits, anyone?
All: No thanks. Everything was delicious.
John: Rising from the table Excuse me, I have to go now.
Joe: On Friday night?
John: Yes, On Friday night. I’ve made plans to see some friends.
John gets up and leaves, taking his plate into the kitchen before leaving.
Elizabeth: He has a point. I don’t feel the same as John, but sometimes I like to go out
to a movie or just sit around with friends on Shabbat. Some of my friends stay with their
parents but it’s the week-end and most of us meet to relax and have fun.
Charlotte: We didn’t send our children to university to have them lose their religion;
Max: No, you sent them to a public school to make them lose their religion.
Charlotte: That’s enough, Max. We sent you to a good parochial school. You should be
thankful
Max: I am. But I have a brother who is an ignoramus.
Charlotte: With some irritation Don’t speak about your brother that way.
Max: Well, somehow drinking with your buddies on Shabbat doesn’t seem right.
Joe: Drinking?
Elizabeth: They usually go to the local pub. Lots of people go there. We just talk with
friends. It’s no big deal.
Charlotte: It doesn’t seem kosher to me either. I’d rather you be with us. We are your
family and we want to see you and talk with you on Friday nights. It’s special.
Joe: You seem to be around Hillel a lot. Do they have regular Friday night get-togethers?
Elizabeth: Once a month they have a get-together. Is it ok if I go?
Joe: He looks at Charlotte, who nods. Yes. How about three nights here and one night at
Hillel. But, how will you get home? Do they end late?
Elizabeth: I’ll get a lift.
Joe: OK, but if you are ever stuck or would just like a lift from me, I am always here.
You can call at any time. Remember that.
Elizabeth: OK (Elizabeth is obviously pleased with this turn of events.)
Joe: What is happening with John?
Elizabeth: He spends a lot of time with the Democratic Freedom Front.
Joe: What is the Democratic Freedom Front?
Elizabeth: They are an NGO. They mostly write letters in support of political prisoners
and other civil rights issues.
Joe: Are they Jewish?
Elizabeth: Mostly not. But as you always said, Dad, it is character, not religion that is
most important and they are nice, care about the world, and want to make a positive
difference.
Max: Those groups are often anti-Israel. Is this one?
Elizabeth: Well, it is pro-Palestinian.
Joe: Are there girls there as well?
Elizabeth: Yes. I wasn’t going to say anything but I think John has a crush on one of the
girls in the group.
Joe: Is she Jewish?
Elizabeth: No. I think she is Chinese.
Joe: Oy
Charlotte: Speak to him Joe.
Joe: What am I supposed to say? He is already twenty and still rebelling. What can I
do?
Max: Send him to parochial school, discuss religion with him and take him to shul every
week. Oh I forgot, you should have done that twenty years ago.
Charlotte: That’s enough Max. We did our best, and we are still doing our best.
Max: I know. But John stopped his Jewish education at thirteen. That is the real problem
and it doesn’t look like it is going away.
Joe: He looks at Elizabeth Can you speak to him?
Elizabeth: He doesn’t listen to me. I’ve suggested he go out with some of my friends but
he refuses. I’ll try again.
Joe: I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
Charlotte: Yes, we’ll wait and see.
Charlotte, Elizabeth, and Max clear the table. Joe just sits there thinking.
The curtain closes.
Act 2 Scene 1
It is now one year later. Joe and Charlotte are in the kitchen. They look the same but are
tenser than usual tonight. Joe has made chicken for Friday night. The artichokes have
been replaced by chopped liver, beautifully set up on a bed of lettuce, with slices of red
peppers on the side.
Charlotte: Joe, please put an extra board in the table. We’ll be seven tonight.
Joe: A family should sit close together. Can’t we squeeze in a bit?
Charlotte: Yes, a family, but tonight, please put in the extra board.
Joe grunts as he adds an extra leaf to the table. Charlotte than covers the table with a
protective covering and puts on the Shabbat linen tablecloth.
Joe: Who’s coming again?
Charlotte: The three of us, Elizabeth and her boyfriend and John and his girlfriend.
Joe: Oh yes, Sonia. That’s a funny name for a Chinaman pause or a Chinawoman.
Charlotte: Aware that Joe is venting his frustration because he doesn’t want his son to
marry a Chinese Just call her Sonia and stop making jokes. She sounds like a nice
person. And she is Chinese, not a Chinawoman. You don’t want to say that while she’s
here.
Joe: She sounds nice on the phone, but she is Chinese. That means she is not Jewish and I
don’t want my grandchildren speaking Chinese or growing up in China.
Charlotte: Hong Kong. Just keep quiet at the table. It is Friday night and I don’t want any
arguments.
Joe: You also don’t want any arguments from Saturday to Thursday nights.
Charlotte. That’s enough Joe. Just be happy that Elizabeth is going out with a nice Jewish
boy – a mensch.
Joe: Sleeping with a nice Jewish boy, you mean. It’s not right. That’s not the way she was
brought up.
Charlotte: What can we do? It’s the modern world. All her friends have boyfriends. Keep
your thoughts to yourself – it’s Friday night
Joe: sarcastically Yes dear.
The doorbell rings. Joe goes to open the door.
John: Hi, Dad.
Sonia: Hi, Mr. Cooper. It’s nice to finally meet you.
Joe does an involuntary double take as he is not used to seeing a Chinese woman
possessively holding John’s arm
Joe: It’s nice to meet you, too.
Joe: Come in.
They come in, say hello to Charlotte, and then sit together on the couch in the living
room. The bell rings again. Elizabeth and her boyfriend Sam come in the unlocked door.
The usual hellos are exchanged, with Joe again being reserved with Sam, who he likes,
but who is happily sleeping with his daughter.
There is an unseen tension. They don’t know how to react to Sonia. There is a conflict
between wanting to know her better and not wanting her to be there at all. In addition,
they know that Friday nights bring arguments, self doubts and guilt – all camouflaged as
discussion. They like the routine and yet will be happy when it ends. Polite conversation
ensues.
Elizabeth: So, Sonia, how did your test go yesterday?
Sonia: It went fine. John picked me up after the exam and we sat
in the park for a while. It was a beautiful day.
Sam: How about you John? Is IBM good?
John: They’re working me hard, but it is good. It’s definitely a very aggressive dog eat
dog environment, but the group I am working with is friendly and supportive. You do
however have to watch your back, and I am not used to that.
Elizabeth: It is certainly a change from your anti-establishment university days. How do
you deal with that? Have your thoughts changed?
John: No, I just keep quiet. He chuckles Someday I’ll come out of the radical closet,
which by the way is more mainstream than you think. I like the IT work and the people,
but if I spoke out, I would lose the friendship of my colleagues, my status or my job. I
know I’m now part of a corrupt system that brutalizes and oppresses people around the
world, and I don’t like it. However, working at IBM does give me the opportunity to see
the viewpoint of the average working person who is indifferent to the larger world around
him. Perhaps I can help change the system from within. However at the moment I need a
job and am unwilling and financially unable to spend all my time with the Democratic
Freedom Front.
Max : who has just entered the room I see. You have become one of them now. Before
you gave support for the poor and had no spiritual feelings. Now you give no support for
the poor, and have no spiritual feelings. Congratulations. How do you like being
bourgeois?
John: Fine. I see you’re still a sarcastic Zionist bigot. How are the hate lessons
coming along at school?
Max: Also fine. I am learning the truth about the world, and respect for Judaism.
Sonia: One brother is a social zealot and the other is a religious zealot. It boggles the
mind.
Elizabeth: I’ve never thought of it that way. It does boggle the mind.
Max: I ‘m not a religious zealot. Religion has a lot to offer about how to live one’s life,
and that is what I want to learn. John’s atheism has nothing to offer.
Charlotte: entering the room Good Shabbas. It’s time to light the candles and welcome
Shabbat. Come into the dining room. Sonia would you like to light a candle? They are to
welcome the Sabbath and send the light of knowledge and understanding throughout the
world. We have four candles. Usually I light two and Elizabeth lights two. However,
today we will make an exception and you can light one. Besides, as Elizabeth is not yet
married she should only be lighting one.
John: to Sonia You don’t have to.
Sonia: I’d be honored to light a candle. Thank you.
Charlotte: Here’s a scarf. We cover our heads now.
The prayers are said.
Elizabeth: To Sonia It’s also our custom at this point to ritually wash our hands. Join us in
that and I will say the prayer for you. It is a simple blessing for the commandment of
washing the hands.
Sonia: Sure
They all wash their hands and say the blessing.
Max automatically says the blessing over the bread, salts it, and passes a small piece to
everyone to eat. Sonia watches the procedure carefully to see what to do and follows suit.
Max: to Sonia. How did you meet John?
Sonia: We met at the Democratic Freedom Front. I was quite active in it for awhile but
have recently moved away from it.
Max: Why?
Sonia: The simple reason is that I like my journalism and that leaves me little time for
other things. Besides, there are many solutions to problems and things are not as simple
as I previously thought.
Max: persistently, It is an attempt to understand his brother or to gain some knowledge
that he will be able to use against him later. But what brought you in, in the first place.
Sonia: It was in support of Tibet. My father is Chinese and my mother is Tibetan. My real
name is Sonom. I wanted to support Tibet in its struggle for freedom. I still feel the same
way, but it is difficult. Perhaps journalism will give me the opportunity I want.
Max: I know little about Tibet’s religion except that it is very spiritual and important to
them.
Sonia: Yes, that is correct. The Dali Lama has met with Jews to discover how they have
managed to survive without a country for generations. It seems that that is what we will
have to do. There is a book about it called “The Jew in the Lotus” which you might find
interesting. Would you like to borrow it?
Max: Yes, thanks. But I’ll see if they have it in the library first.
Sonia: I’m sure they do. It was a very popular book.
Joe: Then you’re a Buddhist?
Sonia: Yes
John: desperately wanting to change the subject How’s work going Dad?
Joe: Fine. I’m still working part time for Mr. Abramson. He’d like me to work
more but I’m happy with three days a week.
Charlotte: It keeps him busy and out from under my feet. Besides, I need him to cook
on Fridays. It is nice that we are all together. It is almost a month since John was here and
Elizabeth has missed the last two weeks.
Elizabeth: You know that Sam and I go to his parents’ house every second week.
Sometimes we go to Hillel.
John: Ah yes, Hillel.
Max: It’s not Jewish jihad.
Charlotte: That’s enough, boys.
John: Mom, how are your courses going?
Charlotte: Fine thanks. mostly she is now speaking to Sonia. I’m with a seniors group
that has courses on all types of subjects. We meet once at week to learn about all types of
things that I know nothing about, but which are fascinating. I never had a university
education. I married Joe when I was 18 and John came along before I could get
more schooling. This is a chance to learn things that I always wanted to know. It is not
university but it is interesting.
Elizabeth: Mom, why not go to university if you want? You have the time and the
intelligence. They have seniors there. In one of my classes there is a man who in his
fifties who is getting a B.A.
Sonia: And there was a man in his 70s in my class. He enjoyed the class and I believe he
did well. His experiences were interesting and helpful to the rest of us.
Elizabeth: I’ll bring you a booklet on the courses if you like.
Charlotte: turning to Joe Joe?
Joe shrugs his shoulders, and looks slightly uncomfortable. If that is what you want.
Charlotte gets up to clear the table and gives Joe a kiss on the way out.
Everyone smiles quietly.
Elizabeth squeezes Sam’s arm, gives him a special look, and then follows her mother into
the kitchen.
Sonia: Can I help?
Charlotte: from the kitchen No thanks. The kitchen is small and Elizabeth is here with
me. You are our guest.
There is a sudden shout of “oh” from the kitchen.
Joe: Is everything alright out there?
Charlotte and Elizabeth return from the kitchen. Charlotte is in tears.
Charlotte almost yelling Elizabeth and Sam are getting married!
All: Congratulations.
Charlotte gives Sam a big hug. They all get up, shake Sam’s hand and give Elizabeth a
big hug.
Max: When’s the big day?
Elizabeth: This Spring – just after Sam writes his C.A. exams. Then he’ll be working
while I finish my degree.
Charlotte: My daughter – married! Charlotte gives Sam another hug.
Max: Welcome to the family Sam. Pick a side!
Charlotte: That’s enough Max
Sam: Thank you all. It’s a pleasure and an honour to be part of this family. He looks at
Max and even occasionally to participate in their arguments.
Elizabeth: discussions, not arguments
Sam: Sorry, yes discussions.
Max: Yes, discussions.
Joe: Have you thought about the type of wedding you want?
Elizabeth: Just a small quiet one, with family and close friends. We’d like to have
it in a synagogue, either ours or Sam’s parents with a luncheon afterwards. Money, of
course, is a factor.
Joe: That sounds great, and as the father of the bride the wedding finances are my
responsibility, so don’t make it too big.
Sam: My parents will chip in, and we have saved some money, so it can be split three
ways.
Charlotte: to Sam You should save your money, but a split with your parents would be
appreciated.
Max: I’ll be in Israel by mid-June.
Elizabeth: Oh! We’ll try to make it earlier. I’d hate for you to miss my wedding.
Max: I was planning to go immediately after school ended. However I’m going for the
summer session which will only start at the beginning of July. I’ll stay home if you
marry before then.
Joe: Charlotte, I think you’ve got some planning to do.
Charlotte: Oh my, yes. How exciting. Elizabeth getting married.
Sonia: to Elizabeth Do you plan to work after you’re married?
Elizabeth: First, I’ll finish my degree and then I’ll find a job. My general degree doesn’t
qualify me for anything, and we’d like to start a family, as every employer will guess, so
it will be difficult. We’ll see how it goes.
Charlotte: Thinking only of the degree and grandchildren That sounds wonderful.
John and Max: they are both about to say something but change their minds
Joe: Have we any wine, Charlotte? It’s time for a toast.
Charlotte: Good idea.
Charlotte gets an unopened bottle of wine. Max gets a corkscrew, opens the bottle and
gives it to his father.
Joe: To Elizabeth and Sam. May their marriage be long and fruitful.
John: And may they have many children, too.
Sonia: to John shhh
They all take a drink of wine. Charlotte goes to the kitchen and brings out apple sauce for
desert and some tea.
Charlotte: Does anyone want herbal tea? We have mint.
John, Sonia, Max, Elizabeth and Sam all ask for mint tea
John: To Sam Will you work with your father when you graduate?
Sam: Yes. He has a medium size firm, very stable, and with a reasonably good sized
commercial practice. I have been working with him in the summers and I articled with
him, so it will not be new. I am looking forward to it.
Max: Will you join a synagogue?
Charlotte: You could join ours.
Sam: We’d like to join a Conservative synagogue within walking distance of wherever
we live. We’ll go synagogue and house hunting before we get married. Right now the
decision to marry is enough.
Max: If you want any help with synagogues, I know most of the Rabbis in the area – by
reputation, if not personally.
Elizabeth: Thanks Max. How long will you be in Israel?
Max: The plan is to spend one year studying at Beit Israel in Jerusalem and then to go on
to university in Toronto, but it’s hard to tell. The yeshiva of course pushes you to become
a Rabbi. Torah studies appeal to me, but being a Rabbi doesn’t. If I eventually make
Aliya to Israel, I’ll be subject to the IDF draft, and that doesn’t appeal to me. Hopefully
at the end of it, I will have a better idea about a career path.
Sam: You could be an accountant like me. It is a good career.
Max: I’ve thought about it, and it’s solid, but doesn’t appeal to me. Thanks, anyway.
Elizabeth: Be careful when you’re there. There are bombings and it doesn’t sound safe to
me.
Sam: Some Yeshiva students were killed last year
Joe: It’s not that dangerous, and Max will be careful. If we want to be Jews we must
support the state of Israel. I’m proud to have one of my sons go there.
John: Israel oppresses the Palestinians, why would you support it? I certainly wouldn’t be
proud to have a son living there.
Joe: For two thousand years Jews having been yearning to return to Israel. Now we have
a chance. It is our land. We do nothing wrong by living there.
John: The West Bank is Arab land.
Elizabeth: Do we have to have this argument again? Can’t we just live here in peace
without Israel? It is very far away and we are Canadians. I don’t want to go to Israel.
Joe: We are still Jews and there will always be anti-Semitism. Israel must be supported. It
has taken in Ethiopian Jews, Indian Jews, Russian Jews, and any other Jews that are
being persecuted. That is why we must support Israel.
Sonia: Indian Jews?
Joe: Yes there are many Indian Jews that have lived peacefully in India for generations.
Most of them have now moved to Israel. There are Black Ethiopian Jews, European Jews,
Sephardic or Jews from Spain and other North African countries, and even Chinese Jews
from Kaifeng.
Sonia: Chinese Jews?
Max: Hey, maybe you are one of them. Are you from Kaifeng?
Sonia: No. I’m from the north
Max: Too bad.
John: Did you hear about the Jews in Harbin in northern China? After the War most of
them left and their synagogue was turned into a brothel. Rumour has it that as you passed
by you could hear voices saying “Oh God, Oh God, Oh my God.”
Elizabeth flushes. Everyone else laughs
Max: I don’t know much about Tibet. I gather it was conquered by China, Chinese settled
there and the practice of the Tibetan religion was virtually stopped.
Sonia: In a word, that is correct. And now Tibet is ignored by the world
Max: Agreed. China should be, and often is, criticized, but Israel is a different story. The
land was virtually empty when we settled there, we bought the land from the Arab
landowners, who mostly lived in Syria or Turkey, we turned the land from being
worthless to valuable, and all of a sudden you have a group of Arabs who call themselves
Palestinians and claim it is their land. Even the international law of the anti-Semitic U.N.
states that Israel and the West Bank belong to the Jews.
John: Your facts are wrong and even if they weren’t that’s still no excuse for bigotry and
oppression of the Palestinians.
Max: What about bigotry and oppression against Jews? There are virtually no Jews in
23 Muslim states. Why don’t you complain about that oppression? Why don’t you
complain about treating Jews and Christians as dhimmis? Why don’t you complain about
the treatment of Tibet? Why complain on behalf of the Palestinians who have sworn to
destroy Israel and who employ suicide bombers to kill Jews whenever they have the
chance?
Sonia: What are you talking about? Who are the dhimmis? What 23 countries?
Max: Christians and Jews living in Arab lands are called dhimmis. They have a lower
status than Muslims, do not go into the army, and have to pay a heavy special tax to be
able to live in an Islamic country. When the Arabs conquered a country the Jews and
Christians could maintain a dhimmi status. The other people who were conquered could
convert or die. You would have been killed. There are 23 Muslim states, some are Islamic
and some have Islam as the officially recognized religion. But there’s only one Jewish
state. Why being a Jewish country is racist and a being Muslim country is not, is beyond
me. Perhaps you should ask your boyfriend that question.
Sonia: John?
John: He is correct about that. The difference is that Israel oppresses the Palestinians.
Max: And the Muslim countries used to oppress their Jews, but don’t oppress them
anymore because in 1948 they killed or exiled all of them. If the Palestinians would
accept the existence of Israel and stop trying to drive Israel into the sea, there would be
peace.
John: If the Settlers would give up Palestinian land, there would be peace.
Charlotte: Enough. We support Israel because we are Jews. That is all I want to know.
Elizabeth: I’m tired of the whole controversy. It goes on and on for years and years and it
is never resolved. Sometimes I don’t care who wins. I just don’t want to hear about it any
more.
Max: Did you know that an ostrich that hides his head in the sand gets shot in the ass?
Charlotte: Watch your language
Max. Sorry, but certain problems should be faced. Does she really want her children to
face renewed anti-Semitism without there being a Jewish homeland of Israel?
John: That’s ridiculous
Max: No. It’s beginning to be Germany in the 1930s all over again.
John: That’s crazy.
Max: That’s realism
Charlotte: That’s enough.
Elizabeth: Well that’s Friday night in the Ruben household.
John: I think it’s time to go. Sonia and I both must be home.
Sonia: No, we’ll help with the dishes first
Charlotte: That’s ok. We have plenty of hands here already.
John: Good-night Mom, goodnight Dad
He gives his mother a kiss on the cheek
Sonia: Goodnight and thank you for a lovely meal
Everyone Goodnight Sonia – It was nice meeting you.
John and Sonia leave
Everyone is quiet for a while and the dishes are cleared and stacked.
Joe: We’ll do the dishes tomorrow morning. Let’s just sit quietly and discuss
the wedding of the future Mrs. Sam Gallstone.
Max: How can my brother be an anti-Semite?
Joe: He’s not. He just wants to make the world a better place. He sees things differently
than us.
Max: I’ll say
Charlotte: Sonia’s nice. I hope that it’s not serious. I don’t think we should invite her here
again.
Joe: That’ll just alienate the boy. There’s nothing we can do.
Max: He’s already alienated. It really doesn’t matter.
Elizabeth: Don’t say that.
Max: There goes the ostrich again.
Joe: To Sam Where will you go on your honeymoon?
Sam: It’ll be June. Florida will be too hot; so we thought of going either to Tuscany
or to New England. New England is beautiful at that time of the year. There’s the
Berkshire festival in Maine, Ogunquit by the coast, and we’d like to spend a little time in
Boston visiting friends. In addition, we both like to shop for antiques and go to auctions
and there are lots of them both in New England. Also we can drive there and back. So
right now it looks like New England has the edge. However we hear that Tuscany is
beautiful, so we need to do more investigating.
Joe: Will you stay in your apartment?
Sam: For a few years. We’ll buy a house as soon as we can.
Joe: Downtown?
Sam: Probably not. It’s cheaper up north and most of our friends are moving there. It also
depends on where we find a synagogue.
Elizabeth: to Joe Aren’t you going to do something about John?
Joe: What can we do? Can you speak to him?
Elizabeth: He doesn’t listen to me, but I’ll phone him and try
Joe: Thanks
Elizabeth: It’s late and I’m tired. Thanks for Shabbat. See you at Shul, tomorrow.
Joe: Good
Elizabeth and Sam get up to leave
Elizabeth: Goodnight Mom. Goodnight Dad
Sam: Goodnight Mr. and Mrs. Levy.
Charlotte: Goodnight Elizabeth. Goodnight Sam
Joe: Goodnight Elizabeth
Joe: with a big smile on his face and goodnight son.
Sam: with an equally big smile. Goodnight Dad.
They exit
Joe: Well, that was some evening.
Charlotte: It certainly was. It’s time for bed
Max: I’m going to read for a while. Goodnight
Charlotte and Joe: Goodnight Max.
Charlotte: Don’t stay up too late.
Act 2 Scene 2
It is Friday night, one year later. Joe is in the kitchen finishing the cooking. Max is
helping him. Charlotte is covering the table with her beautiful white linen table cloth. The
doorbell rings. Joe goes to open the door.
Joe: Hi John. Hi Sonia.
John and Sonia: Hi.
They enter and both give Charlotte a “hello” kiss.
John: Well, only one more week of work and I’ll be a student again.
Sonia: And I’ll be on assignment for 2 months in Kashmir.
Joe: You two certainly do lead exciting lives.
John: Yes. We’ll postpone the wedding until Sonia gets back and I’ve finished my law
degree.
Joe: Good!
(Max enters the room.) Hi. How are you two?
John: It’s good to see you. Israel has given you a good tan. I hear you’re going back to
make Aliya.
Max: First I’ll be studying Chemistry at the Hebrew University. Then I’ll decide.
John: Did you find your true kosher love in Israel?
Max: I’ll finish my degree first.
The door opens and Elizabeth waddles in with Sam behind her. Elizabeth is obviously
very pregnant.
Joe: Welcome. to Elizabeth I see you are still in one piece. How are you feeling?
Elizabeth: Fine. I am due in three days. I’ll be glad when I’m back to a normal size,
although all the care and consideration I get is nice.
John: It will end as soon as soon as motherhood begins.
Charlotte: That’s true. It’s time for candle lighting. Charlotte, Elizabeth and Sonia light
the candles in, what has become over the year, a routine manner.
Charlotte: Sam, would you say the prayers?
Sam: Of course. Sam says the prayers over the wine and then they all wash their hands
Charlotte: Max: Will you say the prayer over the bread?
Max: Sure. He says the prayer and passes out pieces of the bread to everyone.
Joe: Out loud, but mostly to himself Friday night with the family. It has been like this for
generations. Nothing changes.
The curtain closes.
Act 3
It is Friday evening just before Shabbat -two years later. John is finishing his second
year of law school. He and Sonia were married a few months ago in a Reform
synagogue with the Rabbi and a Buddhist monk jointly performing the ceremony. Sonia
took lessons in Judaism for a few months, but decided that she preferred her Buddhist
traditions. She is a journalist stationed in Toronto. Her foreign assignments, which can
last up to one month, are sometimes in dangerous locations.
Max is studying chemistry at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev (BGU). He has come
home for two weeks with his Israeli girlfriend, Ariel to celebrate Joe and Charlotte’s 50th
wedding anniversary. They are living together in Israel but are indefinite about their
plans. Ariel has finished her army training, and is studying agriculture at BGU.
The family is waiting for Elizabeth and Sam and their 1 year old son, Bernie, to join them.
There is a knock on the door and Elizabeth and her family enter.
Joe: Hi! Come in. The whole family is here now.
Elizabeth: Hi! Sam is parking the car. He’ll be right here.
Joe: Good.
They go into the living room – everyone hugs, shakes hands, and sits down.
Elizabeth: It’s good to see you, John. Since we are in the same city, we should get
together more often.
John: Yes we should.
Sam enters the house.
Sam: Hi, everybody.
Joe: Good. The gang’s all here.
Max: singing quietly, almost to himself What the hell do we care. What the hell do we
care? Ariel smiles and gives Max a quizzical look.
Charlotte: Stop that Max.
Max: It’s just the next line from the Happy Gang radio show. We heard re-runs in Israel.
Didn’t you listen to it Mom?
Charlotte: Yes, now I remember.
Charlotte: Dinner will be ready soon.
Elizabeth and Sonia both get up to help her. They go into the kitchen.
John looks at Bernie and then turns to Sam who is rocking Bernie.
John: Well Sam, how is my nephew doing?
Sam: With a smile He is perfect. He’s a lot of work. Changing diapers is not my
favourite activity. It certainly changes your life - in a good way. How is law, and will
you have a summer job this summer? I hear that they’re scarce.
John: I’m lucky. I will be re-hired by the same firm I worked for last year.
Sam: That’s good news. Will you specialize?
John: No, I’ll go into general practice – at least for a few years. I’d eventually like do
human rights work.
Max: I heard you bought a house and joined the nearby Beth Israel shul, Sam. Where are
they?
Sam: We bought a home north of Centre and Bathurst. The Jewish community is moving
there. The Beth Israel shul is new, egalitarian, and Conservative. For now it’s in
a community centre. We can walk there.
Elizabeth: Peeking her head around the kitchen door and happily responding A
wonderful husband, a son, a house in a nice area, and a nearby shul. It’s everything I’ve
ever wanted.
John: And how about you, Ariel? Is that what you want?
Ariel: That’s certainly part of it. I’m studying agriculture at BGU. It’s desert agriculture
and without sounding too biblical, I’d like to use my degree to help make the desert
bloom. At the moment I’m not sure if I’d like to do that as a researcher or as a
kibbutznick.
John: Two completely different lifestyles.
Ariel: Yes. Didn’t you choose between working at IBM and being a lawyer – perhaps an
activist lawyer?
John: Touché. Mine wasn’t a thought-out rational choice. I really liked my work at IBM,
but rarely had time for either my old life or my old friends. I missed them and activism,
and so decided that law was truly what I wanted to do. I hope to combine it with activism
in a few years.
Max: You’re happy living downtown?
John: Yes. We have a terrific condominium overlooking the lake. It’s near Sonia’s work,
so she can walk to work and it is a short TTC trip to law school for me. We like living
downtown. It’s near the action – and especially near good restaurants. It’s also very green
there.
Max: A bit wistfully There aren’t many trees in the desert.
Charlotte: Enters the room with Elizabeth and Sonia behind her. Everyone gathers
around the Shabbat candles. The women gather to light them, except for Sonia who
stands slightly to the side and doesn’t put on the traditional headscarf. Charlotte
wordlessly hands a scarf to Ariel who puts it on.
Charlotte:To Ariel Would you like to light one of the candles?
Ariel: Yes: Thanks.
Charlotte lights one of the candles, Elizabeth lights two and Ariel lights one. They say the
prayers. Afterwards they all say good shabbas to each other, the women kissing and
being kissed, and the men shaking hands.
Joe: Max, today you are the honoured guest. Would you say the blessing for us?
Max: It is your 50th anniversary tomorrow. Why don’t you say the blessing and I’ll say
the blessing over the bread. It’ll be like 5 years ago.
Joe: Good idea.
Charlotte: That’s nice.
Joe says the blessing. They all wash their hands and Max says the blessing over the
bread. Ariel motions to help in the kitchen.
Charlotte: Thanks Ariel, I have lots of help and the kitchen is small. Relax, you are guest
tonight.
Charlotte, Elizabeth and Sonia bring the appetizers and dishes of food from the kitchen.
Charlotte sits at the end of the table near the kitchen. Elizabeth and Sonia sit beside their
husbands.
Sonia: Tell us about yourself Ariel.
Ariel: With pleasure. My family has lived in Jerusalem since the early 1700’s. Mostly
they were sofers to Sonia, scribes, and rabbis. I grew up on a kibbutz just south of Tel
Aviv, went into the army at 18 and now I am in my second year at BGU studying
agriculture. I love the desert and would like to live there one day.
Sonia: Do you have any brothers and sisters?
Ariel: Two older brothers, the eldest who was killed in the army, and a younger sister.
My surviving brother is an engineer, and my younger sister just joined the air force. She
wants to become a pilot.
John: If it’s alright to ask, what happened to your eldest brother?
Ariel: It is still very painful, but it is alright. He was one of the soldiers that fought in
Jenin. Fifteen Israelis were killed there because they were ordered not to kill
civilians. Then the world was told that my brother and his comrades massacred the
Palestinians in Jenin. I consider that as a personal lie against my brother’s memory. I am
still angry and upset.
John: But if they had not been told that, there may have been a real massacre of
Palestinians.
Ariel: Very unlikely and bitterly better 10 of them then one of us.
Max: Pass the bread please. Mom, the dinner is delicious.
Charlotte: Thank you.
Elizabeth: Sounds like you dislike the Palestinians.
Max: It is not that simple Elizabeth. We Jews love life. The Palestinians have a culture of
death. They want to martyr themselves for the sake of Islam and to get to heaven.
I think the Koran and the culture it produces is the problem. The individual
moderate Muslim is ok.
Sam: All religions are fairly similar, smiling even though ours is the best.
After all, we all believe in the same one God.
Max: We certainly all believe in one God, but it is a God with different attributes and
different requirements for His followers. There are many differences. Firstly Jews don’t
categorically believe in heaven, and we generally believe that if there is a heaven, all
good people, not only Jews will get there. Muslims on the other hand believe that there is
a heaven and that only Muslims will get there. We, unlike orthodox Muslims, don’t
glorify killing infidels for our God, or think that there is value in being martyrs for the
cause. Furthermore if we leave Judaism, that is a private decision. We would not be
killed, as happens under shuria law.
Ariel: Another big difference is the nature of the Bible versus the Koran. As you know,
the Bible is a history book with up the seven levels of interpretation. Most of us don’t
believe that it contains God’s exact words and therefore it is subject to wide
interpretation. The Koran, however is believed to be God’s exact words, and therefore not
subject to change. Passages are placed in order of length, not sequence. In addition there
are many phrases and sentences that contradict each other, and therefore almost plead to
be interpreted or changed. The current orthodox interpretation is that the later passages,
from the Medina period, which are the more violent ones, override the earlier ones from
the Meccan period. That’s not good.
John: Some Biblical quotations are pretty bad.
Joe: That’s true, but we ignore them, and most of the harsher punishments were never
done. We don’t whip people or kill them for blasphemy. And we respect our women.
John: Not enough respect. It’s not fair that women can’t get an aliya and have to sit in the
back of the synagogue.
Sam: That’s only in orthodox synagogues and nowadays many of them have side by side
seating areas, rather than seating women in the back or the balcony.
John: Women also aren’t allowed to study the Gemara. That’s not equality.
Ariel: That is changing slowly, although too slowly. Some of my friends went to the
Lindenbaum Yeshiva in Jerusalem where Gemara is taught to post high school girls.
John: Women also can’t get a “get”, a religious divorce, without their husbands consent.
That too is unfair.
Max: Yes that is unfair. But those are picky points. Look at the big picture. Generally
Jewish women are free to express themselves, whereas Muslim women are oppressed by
their fathers and husbands and culture. The burka is an indicator of women’s position in
their society. It is awful. The important question is whether the Koran leads Muslims to a
specific type of culture, a culture that is not good for them or us.
Charlene: Would anyone else like some more chicken or vegetables?
John and Max: Yes, please.
Ariel: Is there desert?
Charlene: Yes, Apple pie.
Ariel: That sounds delicious. I’ll save my appetite.
John: Are you saying that the Torah is a better document than the Koran?
Ariel: I’m saying that the Koran, as it is now interpreted and structured, leads to bigotry,
violence and misogyny. This is because of the substance of the Koran and the nature of
its interpretation. If that makes me Islamophobic than I am, and so are many of my
moderate Muslim friends.
John: That also makes you a racist.
Max: No, it makes her a realist. And thinking that realism makes you a racist, makes you
a gullible fool.
Charlene: That’s enough Max
John: Believing in peace and the equality of all men does not make me gullible.
Max: No? Perhaps it just makes you ignorant of the Jewish, Muslim, and social realities.
What Ariel is saying is that Islam is not like Judaism or Christianity. It is a religion,
but at the same time it is a political ideology. It doesn’t separate church and state. It
doesn’t separate religion and the legal system. It is an all encompassing direction as to
how to live your life. It is also an expansionary religion. It directs its adherents to spread
Islam throughout the world until there is peace in an all-Muslim world. Now there is
nothing wrong with all this from a theoretical point of view, the same as there is nothing
wrong with communism from a theoretical point of view. But let’s look at the results of
this ideology on the countries that follow it. Lebanon, Jordan, Syria, Egypt, Iraq.
Socially, economically, and culturally, they are all in poor shape.
John: There are 1 ½ billion Muslims that disagree with you. Something is wrong when
your perfect Judaism is used to oppress the imperfect Palestinians.
Ariel: Something is wrong, but it is not Judaism or Israel. This is not a question of being
sorry for the Palestinians. It is a question of facts and I am sorry to say this, but you don’t
seem to know the facts of Israeli history or the nature and essence of Judaism or Islam.
Perhaps we should save the discussion for after dinner.
Charlotte: Good idea.
Elizabeth: Actually, I’d like to continue. We have to go home after supper. Bernie will
probably wake up and Sam had a long day. It is interesting.
Joe: As long as peace is maintained. It’s Shabbat. A night for peaceful deliberations and
family discussion. I’d like to hear the different points of view as well – especially from
our sabre Ariel. I also don’t know much about Islam and I’m sure that Ariel’s view will
be interesting. To Ariel In Canada you are not politically correct to criticize any religion
- except Christianity – our major religion. So unless you read books on Islam, it is hard to
learn about it. I’ve tried. The books I’ve read are very biased one way or the other. There
doesn’t seem to be any rational explanation of the merits and faults of any religion. That
of course applies to Judaism as well.
Sonia: explaining to Ariel The Toronto Star is anti-Israel, the National Post is pro-Israel
and anti-Islam, and the Globe is pro the status quo and whatever is politically correct at
the moment. Their claim to fame is that they have a good business section. They are
supposed to have a good and unbiased international section but they don’t – at least when
it comes to Israel.
Ariel: Then I’ll continue if I may. First, everyone is oppressing the Palestinians. Iran
supports its terrorism. This is only negative for the average Palestinian. And no country
will let them become citizens – especially the Arab countries. This of course is an
unmentioned huge problem. Then, there is the question of the refugees. They are the only
refugees who still remain as refugees after 60 years. Are they real refugees after three
generations.? In 1948, a Palestinian refugee was defined as a person who had lived in
Israel for more than two years – and that makes many of the so-called Palestinians who
left their land or jobs in Israel in 1948, just migrant workers. However for all practical
purposes, this is now unimportant. Now they, whoever they originally were, are
considered to be refugees and are living on U.N. handouts. In fact, the Palestinians are
now the recipients of more humanitarian aid handouts than of any other group in the
world. And, as you know, the U.N. encourages them to continue their status as refugees
and their disastrous fight against Israel.
Next, the whole question of an “occupation” is based on the land belonging to the
Palestinians. The truth, which has been totally ignored, is that Gaza and the West Bank
became part of Jewish lands by the San Remo Resolution of 1920. And since the land
therefore legally belongs to Israel, there is no “occupation of Palestinian land” by Israel.
There are only Palestinians and Israelis living on land which was designated
by the United Nations to be part of Israel. However this too is theoretical. The truth is
that the Palestinian’s self-fuelled hatred of Israel, combined with their periodic
government sponsored terrorist acts, forces Israel to limit their activities. Self-protection
forces Israel to act against them. I really don’t see why nobody looks at the fact that Gaza
practices apartheid by refusing to permit any Jews to live peacefully in any part of Gaza.
John: These are all good theoretical arguments, but the Palestinians are still being
oppressed by the Israelis. They have still lived there for thousands of years.
Max: with some anger and frustration They have lived there on sparsely populated land
with a culture and economy that hasn’t changed in thousands of years. Have you ever
considered that the Palestinians might be oppressing the Israelis with their constant
terrorism, boycotts, propaganda and outright lies? They are the ones who are the
aggressors, and who preach that they want to wipe Israel off the map. Just because they
are economically and socially inept doesn’t make them the good guys!
Ariel: Frankly I don’t see why people don’t complain more about the oppression of the
Kurds by the Turks, or of the Christians by the Egyptians and most of the Arab world.
Max: Although it is probably useless, let’s give it one more try. For me, Palestinians are
like criminals that are put in jail. Are they oppressed? Of course. Do the guards and the
prison system oppress them? Of course. However they are criminals and the only thing
that society can do is let them loose to destroy society or to imprison them. That is what
we have done with the Palestinians. They don’t recognize Israel. They try to destroy
Israel by using rockets, suicide bombers and politics, and of course they brain-wash their
next generation to hate Jews and Israelis. That is why the Palestinians are oppressed.
Sonia: Well, you’ve certainly given us food for thought.
John: Or at least a good contrary argument.
Elizabeth: It is all very sad.
Charlotte: Well, that was certainly interesting. Any more chicken, potatoes or vegetables?
Everyone: No, thanks.
Charlotte, Sonia and Elizabeth clear the table and bring two pots of tea and a large pie
for dessert. Max and Ariel hold hands for mutual support. The others just sit their quietly
and exhausted, thinking about the discussion.
Charlotte: Who wants regular tea and who wants herbal – mint.
Joe: You, Sam, and I will have regular. I’m sure the rest will want mint.
Charlotte: Thanks, dear
The tea is poured, and a large of pie is given to everyone.
Elizabeth: When are you and Ariel going back to Israel? Do you have time to visit us?
Max: We’re staying till a week from Tuesday. We’ll of course see you tomorrow. I want
to show Ariel some of the city, but other than that we are free.
Elizabeth: Then come for dinner on Wednesday. I’d like to show you our home. At the
same time we can show Ariel the Bayit synagogue, the Promenade Plaza and the site of
the new Jewish campus.
Max: Thanks. What’s the new Jewish campus?
Elizabeth: Oh! I thought you knew. They are building a new Jewish Community campus,
farther north, and will also have schools, courses, restaurants and facilities for all aspects
and ages of the Jewish community. It should be terrific. We’re not far away, so I expect
to be there a lot as soon as it’s open. Our synagogue will move there.
Sonia: It sounds like little Israel in Toronto.
Elizabeth: Sort of. It is mainly secular, with all groups participating except the Orthodox.
They have their own areas. I’m looking forward to a good Israeli restaurant.
Ariel: It does sound like a little Israel.
John: It sounds like a little ghetto to me.
Charlotte: Oh! That’s terrible. Don’t say such things, John
John: I don’t mean to disturb you Mom, but if most of Toronto’s Jews socially isolate
themselves among Jews, isn’t that a self-imposed ghetto, and perhaps worse, a ghetto
mentality?
Joe: A Jewish mentality is not a ghetto mentality. Besides what is a Jewish mentality?
Are we a people or a religion? Do we have a Jewish cultural mentality or a Jewish
religious mentality? Jews have many cultures and religious customs. There are
Ashkenazi, the Sephardic, Israeli Jews, Black Jews, Indian Jews, etc etc. If you want to
classify Jews, you should be specific. Remember that it is me, yourself, and your family
that you are classifying. Besides, is there anything wrong with wanting to be with
neighbours with the same Canadian subculture? Toronto has a Korean area, a few
Chinese areas, a Vietnamese area, a few Black areas, and upper class, middle class and
poor class Wasp areas. Why shouldn’t there be a Jewish area as well?
John: The problem is that many Jews keep kosher, don’t eat with non-Jews, don’t want
their children to intermarry and are thought of as thinking that they are better than their
neighbours – that they are the “chosen” people. Of course I realize that every group in
some way thinks that they are the “chosen”, or the best people, but that doesn’t seem to
help in defusing that resentment towards the Jews for thinking that they were “chosen”.
That’s why I believe that isolationism just spreads the rumours and ill-will.
Sam: I hope you are wrong. I certainly feel more comfortable with Jews than non-Jews
but I certainly have no ill-will against my non-Jewish neighbours.
Joe: And that is the way it should be.
John to Sam Are most of your friends Jewish?
Sam after looking at Elizabeth I guess so. We have non-Jewish acquaintances, but our
close friends are all Jewish.
John: Without criticizing, I think that is the usual situation, and I think that that’s a
problem.
Joe: thinking umm
Elizabeth: I see your point.
Charlotte: Elizabeth and Sam are happy there. It is a great place to raise Jewish children. I
wouldn’t want to see them living downtown. It is not right for them.
Max: A truer word was never said.
Charlotte: I don’t understand you Max
Max: Nothing. You are right and John is right. Luckily, at the moment there does not
have to be a resolution to the two solitudes. With a smile However Elizabeth I’d still like
to see your house this Wednesday.
Elizabeth: Our pleasure.
Ariel: So would I. In Israel the vast majority are Jewish, and it is almost all Jewish where
we live. It will be interesting to see a place in Canada where almost everyone is also
Jewish.
Sonia: Perhaps you can come see our place later during the week – where everyone is not
Jewish.
Ariel: That would be nice.
Max: The problem with the non-Jewish areas is that if your friends are not Jewish and if
your children don’t go to a good Jewish school, as we Jews are only 2% of the total
population, the chances of your children marrying a Non-Jew and completely
assimilating or converting is 98 to 2 – which is fine, if you don’t appreciate or want to
maintain Jewish culture.
Charlotte: Right now the intermarriage rate in Canada is 50%. In our family it is 50% so
far. With that rate, it is questionable how long we can keep a strong Jewish culture in
Canada.
John: Is that a problem?
Max: For some of us, yes.
Joe: Sorry Sonia, this is not about you. You know we love you and are very happy to
have you as our daughter in law.
Sonia: with a smile Thanks Dad. As you know, my mother was Chinese and my father
Tibetan, so I’ve heard the same arguments in another context. Besides, very few, if any,
Canadian minority groups support intermarriage.
Max: to his father Did you ever bench to Sonia – say the blessings, after the meal?
Joe: My father used to daven so I know the blessings, but I haven’t done it since I
married your mother – which as you know is almost 50 years ago. We benched when we
were first married but stopped soon after. We didn’t plan it. It just happened. One day we
were tired, and then we missed sometimes, and then it just didn’t seem to be that
important.
Max: I was used to benching after every meal at the Yeshiva. But now we have stopped
except for Fridays. I guess Dad, like you, it seems to have just slipped away.
Joe: If it’s ok with everyone, I’d like to bench when we’re done. To tell you the truth, I’m
a little lost since retiring and have started going to shul in the morning. I’ve also
considered benching after meals, but have done nothing about it.
Charlotte: I didn’t know that.
John: I really don’t understand. I used to accept going to shul as just something you do.
Then I saw no point in it so I stopped. I still don’t understand why you go to shul to pray
to a God that you don’t really believe in, for rain, which you don’t really want, and in
seats that are uncomfortable.
Joe: It is hard to understand. And it is our fault that you don’t understand. he sighs Max is
right. We didn’t give you the education to be able to understand. There are a few reasons
I go to shul. I don’t know for sure if there is a God, but I like to believe that there is a
supreme being out there somewhere. I feel good when I pray generally, and when I pray
for specific things like pause good health, pause or happiness for my children, and things
like that. I feel it is a positive action. This is so even though I’m often not sure if I believe
in the Jewish concept of God, whatever that is, or in any concept of God. The second
reason is that I like the feeling of a cultural continuance. My father and his father and his
father, back thousands of years, went to synagogue to pray. I continue that tradition with
pride in its continuance. The third reason is that it gives me time and space away from
everything - time to think about life – time to concentrate on words and passages that are
meaningful to me generally or that on that particular day. Lastly, and perhaps most
important of all, it gives me a sense of community – the sense that you are with friends
who you can talk with, and whose values and outlook on life are similar to yours. It is a
place where, after services, over breakfast, you can discuss topics, any topic, with people
you know will understand. It’s always a positive experience.
Sam: I’m impressed. You really have thought about it, haven’t you?
Joe: Yes I have. It’s a big decision whether to incorporate the morning service into my
life as a daily routine.
John: Can you try it for a while to see if it works?
Joe: Yes, but it works better if there is a commitment. For at least six months.
Max: After the 9 month mourning period most people stop going, but most that I have
spoken to say they are sad to leave the routine.
Joe: I’ve heard that.
Ariel: Me too.
Charlotte: I think it would be good for him. It would give him something to do and get
him out of the house.
Sonia: How long does it all take?
Joe: The service starts at 9:00 and usually ends by 9:45. Then there is breakfast. Usually
I’m back home by 10:45. There is a small added bonus that I have a 20 minute walk both
to and from the shul – so I get my exercise at the same time.
So, with reading the newspaper, that could take up most of the morning.
Max: It sounds good to me. What about the afternoons?
Joe: I’d like to do some volunteer work -something entirely different from work. Perhaps
helping out somewhere 2 or 3 afternoons a week – but I haven’t figured it out yet.
Sonia: Have you spoken to the Toronto Volunteer Service?
Joe: No. Who are they?
Sonia: It is a group run by the city, specifically to match volunteers with people in
organizations that need help. I’ll send you the phone number.
Joe: Thanks. It is interesting how things sometimes go together. I’ll probably use my time
at shul to think about the type of volunteering that I want to do.
Elizabeth: Now you are really getting philosophical.
Max (with a bit of an accent) It wouldn’t hurt
Elizabeth: What about you Mom? With us children out of the house, do you have any
plans? Did you decide against going to university?
Charlotte: I am happy where I am. Between cleaning up, making meals, my bi-weekly
bridge game and my study group at the synagogue, I am more than busy. I don’t need
more challenges.
John: with a broad sarcastic smile Well, Sam and Elizabeth, that is your future.
Elizabeth: It sounds good to me. If we can be as happy and contented as Mom and Dad
thirty years from now, I will count that as success.
Max: Me too.
Elizabeth: The party is tomorrow. To Charlotte Is there anything we can do?
Charlotte: No, thanks. Everything is taken care of. You have helped enough already. But
I will call just to say hello.
Sonia: What is tomorrow’s timing?
Charlotte: We are sponsoring the kiddish tomorrow morning after shul and then having a
private lunch for family and friends at the Morrish Hotel near the shul. Then at 6:30 we
are having a party for all of our relatives and a few close friends.
Joe: Your presence at shul before lunch will be most appreciated, but not required. I will
be having an Aliya.
Sonia: what?
John: An Aliya. He will be called up at the synagogue to say a blessing over the Torah
Sonia: Oh! That sounds nice.
Charlotte: Yes, it is an honour.
Elizabeth: We have to go now. They get up to leave.
John: We also must go. It’s getting late. John and Sonia also get up to leave.
Ariel: Max and I will help with the dishes.
John and Sonia and Elizabeth and Sam say their good-byes to everyone and leave.
Charlotte and Ariel begin to clear the table.
Max: To Joe Would you like to bench now?
Joe: Yes, I’d like that.
Joe gets the prayer books. The play closes with Max and Joe benching together at the
dining room table.
Friday Night at the Ruben’s – Part 2
It is Friday night, six months later at the Ruben household. Elizabeth and Sam are there
with their six month old son, Bernie. They come every second week.
John is there without Sonia. For the past month she has been on a two month assignment
in Kashmir. Max is studying in Israel. He is still living with Ariel.
Elizabeth, Sam and Joe are sitting in the living room playing with Bernie. Charlotte is in
the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the usual Shabbat dinner. The table has been
set, the candles are on the sideboard, and the wine and bread have been placed in their
proper positions on the table.
John enters, wearing a dark blue suit, but looking ill-at-ease and slightly depressed.
John: Hi, all.
Joe, Elizabeth and Sam: Hi, John
John briefly goes into the kitchen to say hello to his mother.
Sam: jokingly How’s it feel to be a bachelor again?
John: It’s fine. I’ve become a reasonable good cook.
Sam: Do you speak to Sonia often?
John: We talk almost every night. I worry about her but she is having a great time.
It’s what she has always wanted to do.
Sam: What’s she doing?
John: I don’t know the full extent of it , but there is conflict there between the
government and the opposition so she is interviewing both sides of the
conflict. It is a little dangerous but she seems to be well protected.
Elizabeth: to John You must come over for a meal
John: Thanks, but as I said, I’m a good cook, and my time is limited. How is Bernie
doing?
Elizabeth: As you see, he’s fine. He’s crawling, babbling and will soon be talking.
Sam: Just like me at home
Joe: to John How is your articling going?
John: It’s good! I’m working long hours – about 10 hours a day. I enjoy it.
Elizabeth: I heard that you were running for V.P. of the Democratic Freedom Front.
I don’t know how you have time for that and everything else.
John: He shrugs his shoulders
Sam: Did you succeed? Should we call you Mr. Vice-President?
John: No, I lost. The whole thing was disturbing. I’ll tell you about it at dinner.
I actually wanted to discuss it with you and Dad.
Elizabeth: And not with me?
John: Sorry – and with you and Mom.
Sam: And not with Bernie?
John: No, not with Bernie. to Joe The last time we were here you were talking about
benching after every meal. Did that happen?
Joe: No. We bench on Friday nights if we are alone and when Elizabeth and Sam come if
Bernie is asleep, but otherwise we don’t. Somehow it seems right for Friday night
but not at other times.
Charlotte: Dinner’s ready.
Sam picks up Bernie so he can see what is going on and imbibe the experience. Charlotte
and Elizabeth put on their scarves, light the candles and say the blessing.
Everyone shakes hands and kisses. It has become routine for them. Everyone knows their
places and exactly what to do. Only John doesn’t quite know where he fits in the
scenario. Joe says the blessing over the wine. They all wash their hands. Sam washes
Bernie’s hands. Then, with Bernie in the crook of one arm, Sam says the blessing over the
bread and passes it to Joe who cuts it into pieces, salts it, and hands a piece to
everyone. Charlotte then brings the roast chicken, potatoes and peas onto the table. She
no longer serves an appetizer. Joe cuts the chicken and serves a piece to each person.
The potatoes and peas are passed to everyone. Elizabeth has baby food and juice for
Bernie. She also cuts up some chicken from her plate for him.
John: Let’s get back to benching. to Charlotte Dad was saying that you don’t bench
except on Fridays.
Charlotte: After dinner I like to do the dishes and then relax. Benching takes extra time
and I usually don’t feel like doing it during the week.
Elizabeth: We don’t bench either. Neither Sam nor I get much out of it, and
our Hebrew is not good enough to know what we are saying.
Joe: It is the spirit that counts, not the meaning of every word.
Sam: I don’t think so. I’ve often thought it would be nice to say just a quick thank-you
to God for our food, for the custom of Friday night, and in general for our health
and well-being. I suppose I could think about a wording that suits me, but without
a Rabbi’s blessing it doesn’t seem right.
John: Do you agree Mom?
Charlotte: I guess so.
John: So all of you would like to say a brief but prescribed blessing after every Friday
night meal and occasionally at other times. Yet, despite 2000 years of development
of prayers, there is nothing that suits any of you. Isn’t that strange?
Joe: It is when you put it that way. I know there are short forms, however saying the
short form doesn’t appeal to my sense of Jewish continuation, nor like Sam, to what
I really would like to say.
Elizabeth: We are caught wanting to follow a ritual that could be meaningful but is not
because of the language and because of the length – a ritual that does not suit
our century or lifestyle.
John: That seems to sum it up
Charlotte: Joe?
Joe: I’ll prepare a short after dinner prayer that follows Sam’s ideas, send drafts to
everyone for their comments and suggestions, and then I’ll speak to the Rabbi about
it.
Sam: That’s a great idea. It seems better to say a very, very, abridged English version
than not to say it at all.
Elizabeth: Let’s play with it now. What did you say earlier Sam?
Sam: I’ve thought about it a bit. I’d like to say thanks for our food, for the custom of
Friday night, and in general for our health and well-being.
John: OK. Thank you Lord for our food, for our family being together on Friday night
and for our good health.
Elizabeth: Lord is masculine in nature. Let’s use God instead. Is God a generic term?
Everyone: Probably, but that’s OK
Charlotte: What if someone is not in good health?
John: leave out the word good?
Sam: Suits me.
Joe: The whole family isn’t together tonight and often it’s just Mom and I. Perhaps a
thank you for being able to participate in the Friday night service and meal with
our family and/or our friends.
Sam: We now have – Thank you God for our food, for being able to participate in this
Friday night service and meal with our family and friends, and for our
health.
Joe: Let’s add the word “Shabbat” before Friday night service.
Charlotte: That’s good.
Elizabeth: We need some warm words like love and kindness or lovingkindness.
Joe: Thank you God for the loving-kindness you have shown us and we have shown each
other.
John: Would saying that everyday or every Friday satisfy you Sam?
Sam: Almost. How about – “Thank you God for being able to participate in this
Shabbat Friday night service and meal. Thank you God for the loving-kindness that
you have shown us and we have shown each other. Thank you for our family and
friends.”
Charlotte: We can’t write it down. Can anyone remember it?
Joe: I’ll remember it and ask the Rabbi
John: I’ll remember it also.
John: Dad, send us e-mails when you have spoken to the Rabbi. I’m interested in what he
has to say about this attempt to stray from the liturgy.
Sam: If I don’t like his answer, I’ll ask my Rabbi. He seems to be liberal in his views
on ritual. Laughing I’ll keep asking Rabbis until I get an answer that I like.
Charlotte: Would anyone like anything more. There’s lots. We don’t need left-overs for
Tomorrow
Everyone: No thanks. The meal was great.
Charlotte: Tea for everyone?
Everyone:Yes please
Charlotte: Then I already know what everyone wants. Mint tea for everyone but me.
Charlotte gets up to clear the table. Elizabeth gives Bernie to Sam and gets up to help
Charlotte.
John: I’d like to add something to the after-dinner prayer. I think we should add
something to encourage us to be better. How about – May we find balance in our
social, material, and spiritual lives.
Joe: It is still a Jewish prayer. So let’s phrase it that way. May God grant us balance
between our social, material and spiritual lives.
John: No. I don’t think we should rely on God to grant it to us. I think it is something that
we must each strive for by thought and action. I’d leave it as it is.
Elizabeth: Reluctantly I agree with John
Charlotte: Along the same lines, I’d like to add that we should act with generosity
and understanding
The others nod their agreement
Joe: How about adding. God bless Israel. Israel’s existence is still crucial to
Jewish well-being.
Sam: Make that God bless Canada and Israel and I agree.
Again there is nodded agreement
Joe: Then the final prayer is the following:
– “Thank you God for our being able to participate in this Shabbat
Friday night service and meal. Thank you for the loving-kindness that
you have shown us and that we have shown each other. Thank you for our family
and friends. May we act with generosity and understanding. May we seek
balance in our social, material and spiritual lives. God bless Canada and Israel.
John: Should that be said before or after the meal. I know that the Christian custom
is to say it before. However we are free to choose. What do you think?
Charlotte: Although I think it makes sense to say it before, we bless the candles before
and I’d feel more comfortable saying it after supper, where I am used to
benching.
Joe: I agree
Sam and Elizabeth: We’ll have to give it more thought.
Sam: I think we’ll ask our Rabbi about the whole thing. This is really interesting.
Joe: It is certainly what Shabbat should be all about.
John, Did you have a problem you wanted to discuss with us?
John: Yes. Thanks. I am confused. As you know, I ran for Vice-president of the
Democratic Freedom Front. They are the same group as was at university but this
is the Toronto Branch – it is not a student group. As you know I have been
supportive of all their platforms including being opposed to many of Israel’s
actions against the Palestinians including being in the West Bank.
Joe: Yes. We all knew that. What happened?
John: Well, those who were running had to make speeches. There were two people
running against me - one was a fundamentalist Muslim who didn’t have much
support, and the other person was a good, but not very competent guy who had
worked with the Toronto group for a few years. They spoke first. When I got up
to speak, some people in the audience shouted that I was a Jew, a Zionist, and an
infiltrator. The chair tried to stop the heckling but it just got louder and louder.
The university group supported me, but eventually I had to sit down without
finishing my speech. The hecklers were not removed from the room, and although
I had some support, most people just ignored me afterwards.
The vote count was 56 for the Toronto group person, 35 for the
fundamentalist Muslim and 15 votes – all from the university group – for me. I
thought I had a reasonably good chance beforehand, as I had the university group
support and I knew most of the Toronto group.
I was completely shocked by the whole incident. At one time I was also slightly
afraid for my safety. Now what do I do? I could stay and fight that attitude in the
group. However it would take a lot of emotional energy and time and I am very
unsure whether I would win, I could just stay and help them in various programs
unrelated to Israel, as I can’t support anything that is anti-Semitic, or I could
leave. So far I haven’t made a decision. I thought I’d ask your opinions. It is a
good thing that Max is not around. He would probably suggest that I blow the
place up.
Elizabeth: Yes, after he said, “I told you so”.
Joe: What did Sonia say?
John: She said to speak to you about it. Needless to say she was very disappointed in the
people there. She said that it is very difficult to change people’s
prejudices. Once their minds have been taken over by prejudice it is very hard to
turn them around. She pointed out that there are many other such organizations that
would welcome my help and that I should just switch and work for one of them.
She also suggested that there might be a Jewish organization that I could work for.
I must say that surprised me as I had never seriously considered working for a
Jewish organization. She also said that, without me, the organization would remain
relatively ineffective as it is now, or just go down the drain.
Joe: It sounds like good advice. I’ve never worked for either a human rights organization
or a group that verges on the anti-Semitic. It’s new to me. However, I agree that if
the culture of the group is irrationally anti-Israel and verging on the anti-Semitic, you
will not be able to change it easily or quickly. It is not the place for you. The best
thing to do might be to just write them off and go to somewhere else where you can
do the kind of work that you want to do. Besides you are already very busy at work.
Charlotte: I’m really sorry, John
Elizabeth: I’m not sorry. This is a wake-up call. The group was always bordering on
being anti-Semitic and this made John see it for what it was. NGO’s have
become anti-Semitic over the last few years. We must face reality and it’s
better for John to face it now rather than later.
Sam: If I were you, I would tell them, and the university group, why you are leaving, and
leave. Elizabeth says that there are people at Hillel doing similar work on various
projects and you wouldn’t have to worry about anti-Semitism in a Jewish group.
John: How can a group, like the Democratic Freedom Front, that dedicates itself to
world peace and helping all of humanity, be anti-Semitic and anti-Zionist?
It doesn’t make sense. It’s like I need a different worldview. All of a sudden
I feel I am a Jew with a 2000 year Jewish burden.
Elizabeth: Welcome to the club. Although we both go to Hillel, that isn’t the only
solution. There are lots of good organizations doing excellent work on behalf
of the downtrodden of the world. In addition many lawyers go into politics to
satisfy their need to help. Have you ever thought of working on the other
side?
Joe: She’s right. I have been doing a bit of work for the local Conservative candidate. It
surprised me, but the volunteers are almost uniformly dedicated to helping make the
world a better place. I’m sure the other parties have the same dedicated volunteers.
Any of the parties would do. I just prefer the Conservatives.
John: laughing That would certainly be different.
Sam: One thing I’ve learned from Elizabeth is not to close something off without
considering it thoroughly. Think about it. As they say, “God works in mysterious
ways.” This might be a heaven-sent new path for your social conscience.
John: Do you all think that I should leave the Democratic Freedom Front?
Sam, Charlotte, and Joe: they nod their heads Yes
Elizabeth: Unless there is some indication that the leadership or much of the membership
change their attitudes and support you, yes. But Sam is right, you should tell
them why you are leaving and perhaps even what you expected from them.
John: Good idea. I will do that. As for joining another social action group or helping a
political party, I’ll have to give that some thought.
There is silence for a moment
Elisabeth gets up and says that it is time to leave. It is late for Bernie and Sam has had a
full day. John also says that he has work to do. They all leave together.
Joe: to Chartlotte Well, that was interesting. Perhaps we have our son back.
Charlotte: Yes, perhaps. Do you want to bench? I’ll sit with you.
Joe takes out his prayer book and starts to bench, while Charlotte closes her eyes and
sings along.
End of Act 1
Act 2
It is Friday night, four weeks later. Sonia has returned from her assignment. Max is in
Israel. The rest of the family is in the living room, except for Charlotte who is finishing
off the last touches of the Shabbat meal, which as usual is roast chicken, peas and
potatoes, cake and tea. Charlotte calls everyone together to light the candles. Sonia joins
in this time. Joe says the blessing over the bread, they all wash their hands, and then
Sam says the blessing over the wine. John and Sonia are strangely quiet and reflective
about it. His usual rush to finish these proceedings is not there. They all sit down except
Elizabeth and Charlotte who bring in supper and pass it around.
Sam: to Sonia Tell us about your assignment. John said it was wonderful, but he didn’t
give us any details.
Sonia. The first month was wonderful. The next month wasn’t. We were posted near
Kashmir on the Indian side. The first week we listened to the India side of the
Kashmir conflict and walked from place to place. It is beautiful there. Everything
made sense. Then we went into Kashmir itself. It was chaos. The tension, the hate,
and the fear were palpable. It could have been a heavenly place, but instead there
is poverty, ill-health and periodic killings and terrorism. I couldn’t wait to leave. It
reminded me of the rape of Tibet.
Sam: I’m really sorry to hear that. What did you report?
Sonia: I reported the truth. However I don’t think they will print it.
We are friends with both Pakistan and India. I think it would be politically
inadvisable to print it. However it is a very important place and the world should
be aware of what is happening there. It is disappointing, but it is my job to write
and the editor’s job to decide what to print. Hopefully, sometime, I will be able to
use or publish what I learned.
Joe: Can we see what you wrote?
Sonia: Of course. I’ll send it to you by e-mail. But please destroy it after you’ve read it. I
can’t have it read by the public – at least for now.
Joe: Agreed
Sam: Can we have a copy too?
Sonia: Of course.
Sam: to John What happened to the Democratic Freedom Front?
John: I followed your advice and sent them a letter of resignation explaining why I
was resigning from the organization and how disappointed I was with their
attitude and lack of support. I didn’t hear back from them. One of
my friends from the University said that they had spread the rumour that I had
left because I was a poor loser and was disappointed with the election results.
I haven’t found another NGO that suits me. Dad took me once to help at the
Conservative party riding association. He is right – they are both dedicated and
nice people, however it’s not for me.
Sonia: After these last two months, I think that being political might be a good idea for
John. Kashmir is a complete political mess and I think that figuring out the politics
would be interesting. The NGO’s don’t do any useful work there. They help by
doing good deeds but there are too many good deeds to be done to really make a
dent in the problem as a whole, and that is what is desperately required. Besides,
law and politics go together.
Sam: Do you have any solutions for John?
Sonia: No. I wish I had. To John Have you looked into working for municipal
councilors or Provincial parties?
John: No I haven’t. It’s a good idea.
Sam: I have been keeping the books for the Jewish Immigrant Aid Association.
Immigrants have lots of problems with English, learning Canadian customs, and
finding work and lodging. Everyone needs help.
John: hmm
Charlotte: My father was helped by them when he first came to Canada. He was always
grateful for the help he received.
Elizabeth: I didn’t know that.
Charlotte: You were too young. He was a good story-teller. As a child I would listen to
his stories about coming to Canada and how hard he had to struggle at first to
earn a living and keep his Judaism.
John: I barely remember him
Charlotte: You were five when he passed away. I still miss him.
Elizabeth: Do you remember the stories and could you tell me them some day?
Sonia: Can I listen too? I’d love to write them down as part of a family history?
Charlotte: We’ll have a girls’ evening out and I’ll tell you everything
that I remember.
Elizabeth: I’m serious Mom. How about this Wednesday evening? I’ll bring a pizza here
And you can tell us about your Dad. Sonia, would that suit you?
John: I’d like to be included.
Sam: So would I
Elizabeth: How about one story now Mom? Bernie is sleeping, so we have lots of time.
Sonia: Elizabeth and I will bring in the cake and tea and do the dishes. Dad?
Joe: It’s fine with me. Knowing your past is the key to your future. Perhaps
we’ve assimilated too quickly, without our own historical grounding
Elizabeth and Sonia then clear the table and bring in the tea and cake. There is quiet
while everyone organizes themselves and waits expectantly for Charlotte to begin.
Charlotte: Your grandfather immigrated from Bialystok in Poland around 1935. He was
about 15. Bialystok is on the border between Russia and Poland so it was
constantly involved in battles between the two countries. It was not a good
place. There were the usual pogroms, poverty and of course the likelihood of
being conscripted into the army. The family was poor and decided that the
best course of action was to send a middle child, to the west. My father was
the third of six children. In addition, there was rising anti-Semitism in
Germany, and of course everyone knew of the riches of America. Purely by
accident he got admission to Canada and went to Toronto. Like all
immigrants, he intended to bring his family to Canada after him but they were
all killed in the Holocaust except for his sister Ella who miraculously escaped
and now lives in Israel. Your grandfather worked on Spadina avenue, in a
sweatshop for a few years. He became a cutter, which is fairly well paying and
then opened up his own tailoring shop on Spadina. By this time he was thirty
years old. The shop did well. He married your grandmother at about the same
time and died about twenty years later when he was about 50. He died in a
car accident. My mother survived him for about 10 years and then died of
cancer.
Elizabeth: What was he like?
Charlotte: We children of course only knew him when he was financially fairly well off.
He’d come home just before my bedtime and describe the people he had made
suits for. He’d imitate them. There was always a Mr. “Precise”, a Mr. “I don’t
have time”. A Mr. “grouchy”, a Mr. “It’s too expensive” and on and on. He
was very funny with his characterizations. He was also very caring. I, of
course, as the only daughter was his favourite but the didn’t see the purpose of
girls getting much education, and so he was happy when I married your father.
Your uncle Paul was the one who was supposed to get the education but he
never did well scholastically and emigrated to the United States after High
School Although he did well financially, he was always a disappointment,
both financially and in his lack of religious practices. Your grandfather was
religious. He went to a small orthodox minyan near our home every
morning and, of course, we had Shabbat evenings and went to shul on
Saturdays. He closed his shop on Saturdays which might have accounted for
his not doing as well as he might have. He opened his shop on Sundays, but
he missed a lot of the Saturday trade. That’s about all I can think of at the
moment. He also loved to study Torah and would read and explain it too us
on Saturday afternoon. That was always a treat.
Sonia: What about Ella? What happened to her?
Charlotte: She married and had three children. One was killed in the 1967 war. I think she
always resented the fact that my father was in Canada and missed the
Holocaust and didn’t save his family. He couldn’t, of course. He tried, but he
didn’t have enough money or influence to get them out. He also didn’t know
what was happening in Poland until it was too late. In any case, after he died,
the contact stopped. I don’t know what happened to her or the children.
Elizabeth: What was her name?
Charlotte: Her name was Ella Goldstein. Her son was David and her daughter Esther.
Sonia: And your mother?
Charlotte: My mother was born in Canada. Her father was a lawyer in Toronto. They
came from Minsk, in Russia, from a fairly well-to-do family. His parents
came to Canada in the early 1900’s when the pograms were in full bloom.
John: It sounds like the usual Jewish family history.
Joe: It is. Unfortunately there is nothing particularly different about our family
backgrounds. But even knowing it is important. My parents died in a car accident
when I was young. They never talked about their family so I know nothing about my
background. I always thought it would be nice to know something.
Sonia: Don’t you have any aunts or uncles or cousins?
Joe: No. They were all killed in the Holocaust. All I know is that they were from
Lithuania.
Sonia: I’ll write it all down. And Mom, and Dad, perhaps you can fill it in later with
stories you remember about your parents.
Joe and Charlotte: OK
John: So that makes us a typical Jewish family. Nothing special or exotic in our past, but
always concerned with learning.
Joe: I’m afraid that’s about it. It’s not bad however. There are no thieves or scoundrels in
our past – at least as far as I know.
Elizabeth: to Charlotte Thanks, Mom.
John: So that’s our heritage. It’s strange. I never thought about it before. I was always
just a Canadian. My background was irrelevant. Somehow it no longer seems
irrelevant. I wonder why.
Sonia: That’s good. You get grounded that way.
John: I guess I do. I am now in context. Am I the only one with a social conscience?
Joe: Studying Torah is a way of struggling with moral questions or at least asking social
and moral questions. Your grandfather did, and so do I, so no, you are not the
only one. However as far as I know you are the only one who has taken the
problems outside the theoretical – except for Max of course.
John. Yes. Perhaps annoying bigoted Max and I were closer than I thought.
Everyone laughs
Charlotte: Now that sounds like your grandfather.
Everyone laughs again
John: joking God help me.
Joe: There is another very important point that John has just touched on, and that is
understanding our own and other peoples’ culture. As John intimated, to understand
ourselves we have to understand our culture. As assimilated Canadian Jews, we
have our own subculture. This differs from the mainstream culture, which is mostly
Christian. But Christianity too can be divided into different sects and each of them
can also have their own minor subcultures, the same as we do, but of course
the subcultures of Christians in Canada are the subcultures of the majority. So we
can’t really understand ourselves, as John is beginning to realize, and most of us
just ignore, unless we also understand the mix in us of our two cultures, the Jewish
subculture and the dominant Canadian culture.
John: I don’t understand your point.
Joe: Well, some values are more important or pervasive for Jews than for others, ie
family values, caring for the needy, the commandment to do mitzvahs or good
deeds, and education. On the other hand Christians emphasize courage,
independence, self-determination, and charity. These values are obviously not
exclusive of one another. It is just a different emphasis. They are not opposing
cultural values just a different emphasis or importance given to these values. They
are of course general statements and don’t apply to each individual Jew or Christian.
But these cultural values, to a large extent determine how we look at ourselves and
our neighbours and how we react to any given situation. To be honest with ourselves
we must recognize our cultural traits and deal with them when ideas or problems
arise.
Elizabeth: You are not talking about rituals now.
Joe: No, rituals are prescribed rites or rules. Customs are just what people in any group
Do, or, what I think is more important, their general values and their usual actions
based on these customs or thought patterns.
Sam: What is your point.
Joe: There are really a few points. The first is that we must recognize these customs in
ourselves and determine which Jewish or non-Jewish customs or values we have
adopted as being central to our thoughts and actions. Secondly, we must apply the
same principles to understanding other people. Lastly we must determine if the
Jewish customs is what makes us a Jewish nation or community and whether we are
essentially a cultural group or a religious group or both.
Sam: It would be interesting to do a study of different cultures in different Canadian
religious and cultural communities. On a scale of one to ten, how important is
family, courage, success etc to you. Perhaps those questions could be part of the
census.
Elizabeth: 1984 here we come.
John: Yes, that is a problem. We don’t want to be separated from other communities by
artificial, universally recognized, but incorrect differences. All cultures should be
recognized for both their good and bad points, but not on the basis of bias. And
within those cultures, we should judge each person as an individual, and yet
different cultures on the whole have different attitudes towards life and living.
Elizabeth: Are you saying that because of culture, we are better at some things than
others?
Joe: Yes, and also worse. Questioning is essential to Judaism but not to Catholicism. I
would therefore expect us to therefore win more Nobel prizes than they do, but they
do better in a military situation or any other situation where a leader’s orders must be
obeyed or you must have unity for success. Jews have always failed where unity is
required. They ask too many questions. As they say, the President of the United
States is the president of 300 million people but the President of Israel is the
president of 10,000,000 presidents. So I am saying that these cultural attributes are
sometimes good and sometimes bad, depending on the situation.
Elizabeth: Isn’t that racist?
Joe: Probably, but it is not based on colour, but on culture. And it
is only saying that there is a tendency for certain people to act a certain way,
not that all people of that culture will do so. You still must look at each
individual to determine his opinion on any matter. Despite what I said about
Jews and the military, more Jews than any other Canadian group, on a
percentage basis, joined the Canadian military during WW11, and many
Catholics have won Nobel prizes; so it really depends on many circumstances.
John: This would also apply to social customs like beating your wife and children,
a circumcision etc. I presume.
Joe: I would think it does. I grew up in a neighbourhood where all the boys were
circumcised at 8 days. To me it was normal and still is. Others don’t agree. If I grew
up with female circumcision I might also think that is normal, but it is a problem here
in Canada. The same is true for kosher killing and some of the Arab customs. What
is normal in another country might well be against the law here and that is a big
problem.
Elizabeth: Are you saying that we have cultural problems in Canada with Arabs?
John: We obviously do, and they have a cultural problem acclimatizing themselves to
some of our cultural habits. The burka is a perfect example of that.
Elizabeth: Do you have any solutions?
Joe: No, only that we recognize that there is a problem.
Elizabeth: So, this week’s assignment is to think about what the effect formal and
informal religious thought and rituals have on culture, and the effect of culture on an
individual’s thoughts. To Sam, kiddingly, That will give us something to talk about for
the next two weeks. However it is late and we are all tired, so it’s time to go home.
Sonia: Mom, can we help with the dishes before we go?
Charlotte: No, thanks, I’m tired too. I think I’ll do them tomorrow morning.
Everyone gets up, says their good-byes and leaves.
Scene 2
Joe: You know, when the Jewish Immigrant Aid society was mentioned something
clicked in my head. I would like to help in some way. I’ve never done anything like
that, but always felt that it was the right thing to do, and have admired people who
have volunteered to help in their community.
Charlotte: And I will join you, wherever you end up. I confess that I’m getting a little
tired of my bridge games. They are fun, but aren’t productive. And my
courses are interesting but not productive. I’d like to give something too. If I
don’t join you, I’ll join an out-of–the–cold program or something like that.
Joe: Our family is changing.
Charlotte: What do you mean?
Joe: Well, That anti-Semitic episode shocked John into maturity. I don’t think he’ll ever
see the world in such black and white terms again. Elizabeth has become more
interested in things other than getting married and having children and I, hopefully,
will find a volunteer position that will allow me to be with people and to help in a
way that I’ve never done before - and you will join me. I think that all is significant.
Charlotte: Change. You know, that is a good subject for next Friday night.
Joe: Good idea. And don’t forget to think about family stories of your parents.
They really like them.
Charlotte: OK
Joe: Would you like to join me while I bench? I think that tonight I have something to
Be thankful for.
Charlotte goes to get the benchers and they bench together
End of scene 2
Scene 3 A phone call
Sunday. Joe is sitting in the living room. He is making a call. John in shown in another
room answering the line.
Joe: Hi John. I just phoned to say hello. Are you busy?
John: No, As a matter of fact, I’m just taking a break from work and Sonia is writing up
one of her assignments.
Joe: Good: Is everything alright there?
John: It’s fine, Dad
Joe: You know I was thinking that I would volunteer with the Jewish Aid society. Mom
wants to volunteer with me. I think it is something that I have always wanted to do
and that will be helpful, both for us and for Jewish Aid. I’ve never worked with
Mom, so that might be interesting.
John: Good. I think it would suit you and would be good for you.
Joe: Do you want to go too?
John: No thanks, I’ve given it some thought and it is too soon to start volunteering or
being active. I’ll just give it a break for awhile and concentrate on work. Our
Friday discussion was good. It gave me something to think about. I hope that I’ll
get work from various social agencies and I might offer to work a bit for legal aid
if I have time. My rejection by the Democratic Action Front was significant for me.
It was a life changing event. I’m going to let it sink in for awhile. I still can’t
believe that the whole thing happened.
Joe: I don’t blame you. It sounded awful. Give it some time. As they say, when God
closes one door, he opens another. This might be an opportunity to review what you
are doing and find another path – I don’t mean out of law, but out of being an activist
with an NGO as they are now constituted.
John: Could be.
Joe: Go back to your studies. I’ll speak to you later.
John: Thanks for the call. ‘bye
Joe ‘bye.
They both hang up the phone
End of scene 3.
It is two weeks later The family is again meeting at Joe and Charlotte’s house for the
usual Friday night meal. The candles have been lit and the wine and bread blessed, and
the hands washed. Charlotte is bringing the meal to the table.
Charlotte: Max phoned. All is well. His studies are fine. He just phoned to say hello and
Good Shabbas
Elizabeth: He is still with Ariel?
Charlotte: Yes. I hope they will marry. I like her.
Elizabeth: Me too
Joe: I spoke to the Rabbi and he is ok with our prayer after the meal, although I can’t say
that he is enthusiastic.
Elizabeth: Sam spoke to our Rabbi and got the same response.
Sam: I suggest that we say it anyway. If it does what we want it to do then we should say
it.
Elizabeth: That sounds like John. Perhaps the Friday nights are making us crazy – or at
least making us see the other person’s point of view.
John: More likely crazy
Sam: with a smile Now there’s the real John.
John: well, rituals are just that. They are rules set up hundreds of years ago that don’t
necessarily apply today. If they are obsolete, then like an old computer, they should
be thrown away. They no longer have value.
Sam: I don’t agree. We are just adjusting a good ritual to meet our current and perhaps
specific needs. But even if the words or tradition can’t be modernized, and the
rituals have no obvious value, there is still value in following the old traditions.
Sometimes the words act like mantras or have a hidden meaning that is not
obviously apparent, just act to slow things down – repetition makes me happy.
John: The babble in a language that you don’t understand makes you happy?
Sam: I guess so. It is comforting. Besides I always have the feeling that I am improving
my soul – that I am getting better somehow. Perhaps it is like taking an aspirin or
perhaps it is like the placebo effect when you take sugar but think you’ve taken
aspirin - but in either case it makes me feel better.
Elizabeth: I don’t know why, but it makes me feel better too.
Joe: I believe there is a soul and praying makes it better. It may be just strange sounds but
we know there are physical effects from repeating a mantra, and health benefits from
petting a dog, and for women a natural high from getting their hair done or buying a
new dress. Why not similar benefits from saying words with a group of our fellow
Jews?
John: I guess so, but let’s follow the exercise to its logical conclusion. Let’s look at other
rituals. How about circumcising a child at the age of 8 days? It is the custom
based on Abraham being circumcised 2500 years ago. We are unsure whether
medically it is a healthy practice and certainly the time of circumcision – exactly 8
days after birth – is subject to question as the medically best time. Do we do this
because it makes us feel better? If not, can we justify it on the grounds that it is our
custom and Jews have always done it? Can we justify it because it was done 2500
years ago to Abraham? If the answer is no then why do we do it? If the answer is
yes, then does that justify female circumcision and other customs which are harmful
to the individual?
Elizabeth: Jewish ritual is not harmful to the individual. If Jewish ritual or law is
harmful, then it just isn’t practiced.
Sam: The difference is that parts of Sharia law that are harmful are practiced, and even
harmful practices that are not part of sharia or Islam, but are customs associated
with Sharia law, are often practiced and accepted by Muslim society as Islamic
law. Wearing a burka is a perfect example of that.
John: I would disagree with you on some of the practices of very Orthodox Jews.
However for conservative or liberal Jews, I think we are agreed upon that,
as long as they are not harmful, Jews follow customs or rituals because they make
us feel better, even though there is nothing that we know is of benefit to us.
Joe: No, I feel that ritual is beneficial, and although we don’t scientifically know that
they are beneficial, we also don’t definitely know that they aren’t.
Psychologically,if we feel something makes us better, it is probably doing just that,
to some degree.
John: It could be just a waste of time
Sam: True, but we waste time in many ways. Perhaps we can define prayer as the most
beneficial way of wasting our time. Imagine if instead of spending 4 hours a day
watching TV we spent the same time each day praying. Our society would
completely change
Elizabeth: Then there is exercising and although I feel I am wasting my time exercising, I
am still helping my body keep fit so that is not a waste of time.
Sam: How about exercising the soul? Is that a waste of time.
John: unfortunately that doesn’t make any sense.
Joe: It might make perfect sense. We don’t know.
Sam: Getting back to where we were, it seems that customs make no sense except for the
amount that they pacify the nerves. Therefore if they are harmful, they should just
be gotten rid of, and if they are neutral we can keep them.
Charlotte: You can’t just change 2000 year old customs.
John: Why not? We don’t get our food by hunting mastodons. As times change so should
customs. If someone or a religion has a bad custom, it should be arbitrarily changed, for
the better good of all
Sam: If every malevolent reference in the daily prayers of all religions were
eliminated, would that make the world better?
John: Emphatically, yes.
Joe: This time I agree with John. Yes, I believe it would make the world better. Seeing
hatred in writing and repeating those hatreds every week or even once a year,
cannot be beneficial to society. I wouldn’t get rid of them but I would certainly
exclude them from the readings. Let religious scholars read the history of passages
that were included or excluded from religious writings. We all know that despite the
fact that we officially believe that our holy books were written by God, whoever
assembled the books included only some of the texts that were available and left out
others. There is no reason why we shouldn’t continue that tradition now.
John: Bravo!
Elizabeth: I must very reluctantly agree.
Sam: Me too.
Bernie: Bovuvava
Elizabeth: Oh, the baby is awake. Sam, could you please hold him for a bit.
Charlotte: I’ll do it.
Elizabeth: Then I’ll get the tea.
Sonia: I’ll help.
The tea is served and the cake is passed around
Sonia: I’ve always felt that rituals are like a cup that keeps the good part, the spiritual
part inside and in fact holds the group together. Without lots of rituals, the good
parts simply disappear. I’m certainly not in favour of harmful rituals or harmful
readings, but ones which are simply old fashioned or out of date are useful in
gluing the community together.
John: That certainly has some truth in it, but shouldn’t the religious aspects themselves be
valuable enough to keep the community together?
Sonia: In theory yes, but in practice no.
Sam: smiling Bravo
Elizabeth: Sonia’s right. But how do you distinguish between helpful, harmful and
neutral rituals? Take kosher foods for example. We don’t know why we
don’t eat pork or seafood but the Bible says not to. There could be ancient
health reasons, or modern health reasons that we just don’t know about yet. So
avoiding these foods might have beneficial results. On the other hand it
separates us from our neighbors as eating out sometimes becomes difficult.
Similarly remaining kosher is not in the Bible but is a construct of ancient
Rabbis. It is supposed to remind us of the temple and God but does it really?
Do these supposedly beneficial effects overweigh the separation that it causes
with our non-Jewish or non-kosher neighbours?
Sam: I didn’t know you thought about it. Is this the same Elizabeth I married?
Elizabeth: You are right. I just assumed we would be kosher when we married. But now
we have non-Jewish friends and I have been thinking about it because it is
awkward with them. I know they think that our customs are really weird.
Perhaps we should be less rigid.
Charlotte: If you let go of a little bit, you’ll eventually lose it all.
Joe: I don’t think so. Look at our friends. Esther and Sam have a kosher home but are not
kosher when they eat out. Rebecca and George have a kosher home but eat bacon
and seafood out. Doris will eat seafood but not pork and Jonathan and his wife keep
kosher except that he has pepperoni with his pizza. They all make exceptions that
suit them. In practice we all acknowledge the rules but most of us break them at
some point. Charlotte and I don’t eat seafood or pork, but we will have non kosher
food if served to us at a friends house or we’ll eat milk and meat if served by a
friend. We have made the decision that except for pork products and seafood, the
friendship is more important. If we are served pork, it is doubtful whether the
friendship would be worthwhile anyway. If it is, then it will survive our refusal to eat
certain dishes. If it is hard for us to learn the intricacies of all our customs, it must be
doubly hard for non-Jews.
John: So Jews have a separate culture from non-Jews and they perform, within reason,
whatever rituals they need to perform. Teasingly It’s no wonder that Sonia doesn’t
understand me.
Sonia: That was a joke, but it’s true. Sometimes I just don’t understand how John could
ever have reached a certain conclusion. I’ll have to dig deeper into his reasons
from now on.
John: And I will have to analyze my reasoning in terms of culture from now on.
Elizabeth: So will I, but right now my reasoning says its time to go.
Are you sure we can’t help with the dishes?
Sonia: We’ll help tonight. We are not in a hurry.
Elizabeth: Thanks. Good-night.
Charlotte, Sonia, John and Joe, all get up, and start clearing the dishes together.
End of Scene Two.
Friday Night at the Rubens – part 3
It is Friday night at the Ruben’s, six months later. Charlotte is finishing cooking
Chicken soup, roast chicken, potatoes and peas. The table has been set with the Shabbat
candles on the buffet, ready to be lit, the bread with its usual Shabbat covering is on the
table, as well as the wine canter with nine small wine glasses. Ariel and Max have just
arrived from Israel for a three week holiday. They are engaged, and Max has decided to
make aliyah to Israel. John has finished his articling period and has begun to work as a
lawyer at the same small firm he was with before. Max, and Joe are in the living room
when the door opens and Elizabeth, Sam and Bernie, come in.
Elizabeth: Hello! Is anyone home?
Joe: Hi Elizabeth. We are in the living room.
How are you all?
Elizabeth quickly enters the living room and gives Max a hug.
Elizabeth: We missed you.
Max: We missed you too. It will be nice to be home for a while.
Elizabeth: You are staying for three weeks?
Max: Yes, we’ll be here till just after the High Holidays.
Sam: Hi Dad, Hi Max. Bernie, this is your uncle Max.
Max: Hi Bernie.
Ariel and Charlotte come in from the kitchen. There are hello-hugs all around.
Elizabeth: to Ariel and Max Congratulations. I hear you’re engaged. When is the big
day and where?
Ariel: It’s a long way off. We think that we should marry at the beginning of our third
year. By that time we’ll have a better idea of our study and work plans. We
should really wait till we graduate, but we both want to get married, and next
year will be the earliest time that is financial feasible.
Sam: How are the studies going?
Max: Great. I am now supplementing my chemistry with a two hour evening Talmud
class every Tuesday. It is the right mix of secular and religious studies for me.
Sam: Are there summer jobs available.
Max; Yes. I will start as soon as I get back. Ariel has a job working on a project to
determine the natural plants that use to grow near
Beersheba, with a view of replanting them.
Elizabeth: I see you are still trying to make the desert green.
Ariel: Yes, and actually, I’m more dedicated to it then ever.
Max: There is an obvious relationship between chemistry and agriculture. Our
careers are beginning to overlap.
There is a knock on the door and John and Sonia arrive. Again there are the usual
hello-hugs, and they all sit down in the living room.
Joe: Good. The family is all here. It’s nice to be together again.
Max: It’s like old times with some new faces. The family is expanding.
John: smiling That should have been Mom’s line.
Max: I guess so. How’s the law business John?
John: Good! As usual, I am working hard, but enjoying it.
Max: And journalism Sonia?
Sonia: Still good. I am settling in. . Luckily most of my assignments are
local. Right now I am covering municipal politics as there will be an election here
soon.
Joe: Who are you supporting?
Sonia: It’s really a difficult question, but, as strange as it might seem, we are supporting
Ford
Max: We’ve kept up with the Toronto scene and I would agree but it seems like Ford
stands for a more conservative outlook than you would support.
John: Yes, but we have changed since we last saw you Max. The social contract that we
see is more on the personal level. For, instance, Ford stands in support of marriage
but not necessarily against gay marriage.
Max: Isn’t that a contradiction?
John: No, Let’s look at it. If you don’t mind me putting you on the spot, why do you
want to marry Ariel?
Max: O.K. We love each other. We want to build our life together. I want steady
companionship. She is sexy. Our religion and culture says we should marry.
John: Why does your religion and culture say you should marry?
Max: The tradition says we should produce more people and specifically more
Jewish children. It is also considered a sin to have sex outside of the marriage
bonds. On a practical level, of course, it is best to have two people, a mother
and a father
to financially, emotionally, and spiritually bring up kids.
Sam: There is the question of whether you need a father and mother or whether two
fathers or two mothers will do the trick just as well.
Elizabeth: I agree, but let’s leave that question out for a while and let John continue
with his cross-examination. I want to see how he does it and where he is
going with it.
John: smiling Thanks.
Max: I’d prefer to think of it as Socratic questioning.
Sonia: Me too. I’m sure John is trying to reach some sort of truth. It is not to in any
way to denigrate Max. One thing I’ve learned from these Friday nights is that
they really are, or have become, supportive get-togethers.
Charlotte: Thank you!
John: I agree, they have. I think the religious is right to encourage
marriage but its standard reasons that Max has given us are wrong. We don’t need
more people and we don’t need more Jews.
Joe: From the point of view that Judaism is a great religion with great values, and these
ideas should be spread, we need more Jews. Also from the idea that there
is security in numbers, we need more Jews.
John: I agree, but I was looking at it from a universalist point of view. I’ll retract my
statement and agree. We need more Jews. However, if we got them through
conversions it would be just as effective.
Joe: True
John: I agree with Max’s non-religious reasoning for marrying Ariel but there is
more to it then that. Sonia?
Sonia: I have been delving into different philosophies including Judaism and the
thing that has impressed me is the importance of relationships and awareness.
The usual marriage vows talk about love, honour, and obey. There is also talk
about being kind and supportive. But I am again caught by the word loving-
kindness. It is not enough to support your spouse. It is necessary to be aware
of who they are and what they are trying to do, and what they might achieve -
to help them achieve that goal in terms of maximizing self fulfillment – not
in financial or prestige terms but in emotional or psychological terms. The effort
will help both spouses. I truly believe that trying to figure out your spouse will
also help you to figure out or understand yourself and your world. On that basis a
one-on-one relationship is hugely important to the individual, the family, and the
society as a whole.
Max: Wow! You’ve certainly given it some thought.
Elizabeth: And it’s completely true. I am certainly not a perfect wife, whatever that
may be, but when I really try to help Sam, I benefit.
Joe: I too find helping Charlotte to often be helping myself.
Max: with a smile So marrying Ariel, and tending to her social and emotional needs is
really a selfish act on my part.
John: smiling Now you’ve got it. Marriage, as tough and frustrating as it sometimes is,
is good for both parties. The religion has it right, but gives all the wrong
reasons. And of course, as much as I hate to say it, Max’s reasons are also
correct, but are not the whole answer. Hopefully he also wants to marry Ariel,
to help her reach her maximum potential.
Max: (laughing) I do, I do.
Charlotte: I’ve helped Joe in some things. It is a different level of help than just helping a
friend. There is more involvement – more risk and more benefit. It is scary.
Ariel: (to Sonia) I see what you mean by interesting Friday night discussions.
Sonia: Getting back to politics, we are voting for the candidate that we believe
appreciates, that these relationships – and other similar relationships -
are very important.
Joe: Ford also responds to phone calls. Although Ford talks about money, his actions
are often helpful on a personal level. The other candidates talk about long term
planning and community relationships but their actions mostly concern finances.
Charlotte: Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt, but it is time to light the candles and eat.
John: (smiling). It is annoying how religion interrupts a good Friday night service.
They all leave the living room. Charlotte hands each of the women a scarf and each of
the men a kipo. Each of the women then light a candle and they all say the prayer
together. They then sit at the table. Joe says the prayer over the wine.
Joe: If Sam doesn’t mind, Max, will you please make the blessing over the bread?
Sam: Fine with me.
Max: John?
John: Fine with me.
Max: ok. Thanks.
They all wash their hands and Max says the prayer over the bread, salts it,
and passes a piece to everyone. Charlotte gets up to bring the dinner, as do
the Sonia and Ariel
Elizabeth: I’ll help this time. The next course can be one of you.
Ariel and Sonia: ok.
Ariel: (to Joe) I’m not sure what to call you? Are you dad or Joe or Mr. Ruben?
What would you like?
Joe: Dad would be nice as long as you marry Max. If you don’t then I will be Joe.
Ariel: Well Dad, You about to say something more about Ford or relationships.
Joe: Oh yeah. I think phoning back is significant. It makes people think he is interested.
But I really wanted to bring up another point about phoning back and that is about
being part of the community. I don’t want to be a butt in, but I’ve given the effect
of community a lot of thought recently because of my volunteer work, and my
going to shul every morning . The morning minion is a
nice group. After services we have breakfast and talk about many
things. It is interesting and the people are nice. I enjoy it. However I don’t feel any
empathy towards most of them. They are nice friendly people – that’s it. I don’t think
that any of us wants to carry the relationship any further., I have also volunteered to
help with the ?out-of-the -cold program with your mother. That is different. The
people are really caring, and we have formed good friendships with them. In fact
we meet once a week just to talk. So I’ve come to realize how important having
a close group of people is. I worry that John and Sonia don’t have a support group.
They had a group of activists around which lots of their social
activities took place. That has now ended. We have a small nuclear family, but no
nearby extended family, so that doesn’t provide a social environment. John and
Sonia both work long hours, so there is not much time to develop a social
community, so they don’t really have one. Mom and I never had one, and now
I think it is important that everyone has one. Elizabeth has Sam’s family and their
Shul – and Max, you have Ariel’s family and your fellow students. So right now,
I’m worried about John and Sonia in that regard.
Sonia: That’s very sweet.
John: It’s not sweet, but it is the concern that you have always shown to
your children and that is appreciated.
Max: Yes, appreciated – if often annoying
Ariel (laughing) That’s enough Max
Everyone laughs except Charlotte who looks quizzically at Joe
Max: I find that my study group is one of my best supports.
Joe: Good. We all need supports and as I look at our society I see an
emphasis on the nuclear family, not on support groups.
John: to Sam Does your shul fill that function for you?
Sam: A little bit but not enough. It does for Elizabeth and most of our
friends are Elizabeth’s friends from the shul, but you are right. It should
fill that need. Perhaps that is really the most important need for a shul
to fill, but it doesn’t.
Ariel: Why not?
Sam: It might if I participated more, but the emphasis is on prayer.,
and intellectual activities. Somehow it misses the boat. I don’t know why.
Perhaps it should also be a place for people to just come and talk and
do nothing. What do you think Ariel?
Ariel: I have a large close family, which keeps in constant contact. And of course
I am an Israeli, living in a country that is always under siege. So Israelis
are constantly concerned about all other Israelis. Israel is constantly at war
and we have all lost relatives in those wars. So there is an automatic closeness
that you don’t see here.
Max: Mom, how do you feel about it?
Charlotte: I agree with your Dad. The synagogue should provide that closeness
but it doesn’t. I too am very happy with the group we have met at ….
It is nice to feel that you have close friends that you can rely on.
John: We all seem to be saying that Judaism is a fine religion but it is missing the
Social aspect – the need for community. The orthodox have this but the other
sects don’t, and I am unwilling to put on a black hat and coat to meet friends.
Perhaps when the synagogue solves that problem, I will return.
Ariel: The synagogues in Israel are almost all orthodox. The idea of reform hardly
exists. Muslims seem to have mosques that include community centres that curry
to the needed social aspects of living. Perhaps that is one of the reasons that they
are expanding now – taking advantage of one of the things that is missing but
needed in our western society.
Charlotte: Then our community centres would be related to specific religions and that is
not the kind of society we want. I like to go to the YMCA. I don’t want to
have to go to the YMHA for my exercise group.
Sam: That’s a good point. It is the participation and running of the activities that draw in
the closeness. It is not just having a place to go to watch someone else performing
an activity that is set up by a stranger. The community centres would have to be set
up differently so that the activities are run more by the volunteers than by the paid
professionals.
Max: And the synagogues would have to provide more participatory activites.
Elizabeth: I have a social worker friend who works with volunteers. I’ll ask her.
Charlotte: Would anyone like more chicken or potatoes? There is lots left.
Everyone nods a no thanks. Charlotte and Sonia get up to bring the tea.
Sam: But it must be more than that. It must be a centre for activities – a focus
of some sort. Judaism has always valued the close family. But that tie is breaking
down in our society. Now we have nuclear families and the children often leave
home either for college or later for work. The schtetl must be replaced by a sense
of community.
Joe: That sense of community can be within the Jewish community or the non-Jewish
Community
Max: That’s true, but if it is in the non-Jewish community it will lead to assimilation
Elizabeth: Why?
Max: Because if most of your friends are non-Jews, and your children see no difference
in attitude etc between Jews and non-Jews, then they will naturally marry with
someone from 98% of the population rather than a Jew who represents only 2%
of the population.
John: Is that a bad thing?
Max: If you think that Judaism has something special to offer the world, then yes,
otherwise no. We are no better or worse than the rest of the world, but we
do have a different and I would suggest, very worthwhile culture.
John: Then you are suggesting that we limit ourselves to Jewish friends?
Max: It sounds like that, but really I am suggesting that we learn the culture
sufficiently that we can pass it on to our children and that they in turn will
understand and appreciate it enough to pass it on to theirs. The problem is
of course that this is rarely done and instead we just hope that our children
will marry within the tradition so that the culture will automatically be passed
on for another generation without much thought or effort.
John: It sounds like you don’t approve of secular Jews.
Max: It’s not that I don’t approve of them. It’s that I believe they have lost something
of importance both to themselves and to society as a whole. And by the way, I feel
the same way about Christians who have lost the essence of their Christian culture.
I think I will find that Jewish cultural essence in Israel. It is not the same for
everyone.
Elizabeth: Won’t you miss Canada and Canadian culture.
Max: Of course. My culture is half Canadian. If it were the more dominant, like for John,
I would stay. But I am more connected to the Jewish aspects of my being, so being
in a country of Jews, essentially being one of the majority, rather than one of a
minority is better for me. Believe me, I’m not trying to lay a guilt trip on anyone.
That is just how it is for me. Obviously, emigration to Israel from Canada is
minimal, so I am in the minority. We talked about groups before. In Israel I feel
part of a new struggle group called Israel, I have my fellow students and I have
Ariel. In other words I am surrounded by people who care about me and who I care
about. That’s pretty good.
Sonia: So, we must follow Max’s example and find our community or social group.
I would like John to find it in politics. There he can work with others for his
community and country.
John: I see your point. I really am immersed in Canadian culture as opposed to Jewish
culture, which just doesn’t twig me.
Sonia: I looked at Judaism, to see if I should convert, but since John isn’t religious
and since he culturally believes in universalism rather that Judaism, I don’t see
the point.
Ariel: Universality is a great problem for Israel and it should be for Canada as well.
Israel is a Jewish, democratic, capitalistic state. In order to maintain its
Jewishness, it must maintain a majority Jewish population, and laws which
favour Jewish culture, symbols, and immigration. That means that it is not
adhering to universal principals for non-Israelis and although it treats its
minorities more favourably than almost every country, it is not a country of
perfect equality.
Max: Europe of course has a different problem. They want to keep their European
culture, laws and society. However they have accepted many north Africans
into their countries. These people are of a different religion and culture. They are
north African Muslims. They would like the freedom and wealth of the
European countries, but at the same time wish to keep many of their customs
and laws. The result has bee chaos and the weakening of what were the European
states. Their universalistic principles may eventually cause them to lose their
culture and civilization. Whether that is a good or bad thing is another question.
John: And you think that will eventually be a problem for Canada?
Max: Yes
Sam: I agree. Jews have argued for centuries about what a Jew is. Is it the culture or
religion that binds them together. Much of the culture and religion has remained
over the centuries and Jews are very proud of that. There is no reason to think
that the Arab or Muslim culture, which in many aspects and rituals are different
or even opposed to Western culture won’t also maintain itself for many
generations or even become dominant. Since I like our culture as it is, that, for
me, is a problem.
John: That makes you Islamophobic.
Sam: No. It makes me like our Judao-Christian culture better than Muslim culture. It
doesn’t make me Islamophobic as I am not against Muslims as individuals or
groups, even though I believe our culture is better for society as a whole than is
Islam.
Charlotte: That is the problem with universalism. To be absolutely fair
to others and maintain your own country or culture at the same
time, just doesn’t work.
Joe: There is nothing wrong with supporting your own relgion and culture. That too
and also improving yourself, is all part of tikkun olam, of the commandment to
save or better the world.
John: But, if everyone is equal, universalism should work.
Joe: The problem is that we don’t give up our culture or religion. We think it is the best
and we don’t want to change it. We let immigrants into the country assuming that
that they will integrate and adopt Canadian culture subject to a view minor and cute
rituals that they keep from their home country. That is not happening. We, and all
other religions, do not want to change our holy books to make them universal, nor
do we want to amend our culture to suit the host culture and vice-versa. Immigrants
nowadays want our freedom and wealth but wish to maintain their own culture and
religion. Jews assimilated as to culture but not religion. Since Islam is a religion
that encompasses both a legal and political system, many Muslims don’t want to
assimilate to a foreign culture which means giving up many of both their cultural
and religious norms, The result is not universality but dominance by the more
numerous, determined and the strongest group.
That’s why I think as a first step we should work on mutual respect and consider
which aspects of other cultures are worth adopting, and which of ours we should
stop following. We don’t do that now. We pay lip service to our rituals that we
don’t like and don’t adopt rituals which would improve our religion. That is a long
long way away from knowledge and respect.
Sam: So we will have John and Sonia’s children having primarily Canadian or Judeo-
Christian culture with some Tibetan and Jewish culture mixed in. Elizabeth and I
and our children will have Canadian culture with a sub-set of Jewish culture.
And Max and Ariel’s children will have Israeli and Jewish culture with a bit of
Canadian culture mixed in.
Elizabeth: That sounds universal enough for me.
Joe: It is the story of most Canadian families.
Ariel: We should go farther than that. We should be able to say what we don’t like about
Our own and other cultures and religions. I am not suggesting false accusations
against anyone, but it is not being phobic to analyze another culture or religion
and point out problems or areas of disagreement. For instance it doesn’t make
sense that it is ok to refer to “German engineering” but not ok to refer to “German
aggressiveness”. Both are cultural traits of the German people. If we looked at
other religions or cultures and gave an honest assessment of them, the world will
be a better place. Changes for the better could be made.
Elizabeth: Would you agree to changes in Judaism?
Ariel: Of course. They are constantly being done. We just must acknowledge it
and do it with consciousness.
John and Sonia: I agree.
Elizabeth: Well, with that, I believe that it is time to go home.
Max, are you and Ariel going to shul tomorrow.
Max: Yes, we will go with Mom and Dad
Elizabeth: Good, then we will also join you there.
Charlotte: We can all come back here for lunch.
Joe: to John Will you and Sonia join us at shul and for lunch.
John: We’ll join you for lunch
Sonia: And we’ll join you for shul but we’ll be fairly late.
Charlotte: Wonderful
Elizabeth, Sam, Bernie, John and Sonia leave together
Max: I’ll get the benchers.
Joe, Charlotte, Max, and Ariel say their after dinner English prayer and then Joe
leads them in the usual after-dinner benching prayers.
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